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Post by emily ann armstrong on Feb 7, 2011 20:52:44 GMT -4
k i s s m e o n t h e s i d e w a l kt a k e a w a y t h e p a i n b e c a u s e i s e e[ SPARKS FLY ] - - - - - - - - -
Emily had no idea how Mason was feeling about all of this and she was terrified. What if he was doubting his feeling towards her? What if he wanted to break up with her because she was a slut? There was no denying that Emily had always been promiscuous. She had been in therapy when she was fifteen because of the rape but it really didn’t help her much in that area of life. Though she was supposed to learn self respect from her shrink, all she had really learned was that she was a cold hearted bitch who was never going to be happy. And that she could get people to do just about anything she wanted if she was willing to offer them a piece of her body. Sex became the easiest way for Emily to express her emotions and when she was hurting, like she was now, all she wanted was that escape. She wanted to feel the warmth of someone else’s skin against hers and she wanted to feel like she was wanted, even if it was a superficial desire that would vanish the instant she pulled away.
Maybe it was the way Mason held her that first night that they made love but even then, Emily didn’t think of it as just sex. Mason had held her and kissed her in ways that she had never been kissed. He had shown her that sex could be emotional and passionate and while making love one time, he had even made her cry. That wasn’t what Emily was used to. She was used to quick, easy, lustful sex. The kind where you are only focused on quick in and quick out and none of the emotional baggage that usually got left behind. Mason had never failed to make Emily feel like she was everything he needed and yet she never felt adequate to him. It was her low self esteem that always drew holes between them but Emily just didn’t know how to run away from the doubt. She was so untrusting of everyone, even Mason who had done nothing but continuously prove his sincerity to her. He proved that he loved her and wanted her to be happy and would do anything for her, so why was she so set on pushing him away from her? She knew she was quicksand and was going nowhere fast and the idea of this baby being the thing to drive him away was even more terrifying because no matter what Emily did, she felt like she would lose. He deserved so much more than her.
At the feeling of his fingers against her cheek, she almost melted again. The only thing Emily wanted to do was make Mason happy but she just didn’t know how. What if nothing she could do would be good enough for him? What if her always doubting herself ended up being the thing that forced away? Clinging to him, Emily just needed the security of his arms. She needed him to comfort her and hold her and tell her that he loved her. Maybe saying I love you to him wasn’t the best thing for her to say but she needed to say it. In all the confusion and emotions that were flying at her, all she really knew for certain was that she loved him and she wanted to be with him. It broke her when he didn’t say it in return.
Breaking from the hug, Emily looked up at him with pain splattered across her face. It was a deeper stab than she could imagine anything else being and by simply omitting those words, it felt like he was slapping her in the face. She needed him to say it. Dropping her arms from him completely, she stepped back. Mason was the only man if her entire life, excluding family, who she had ever said those words to. Yeah, once she said them the first time they just kept coming but only to him. Only to Mason. Now he couldn’t even say them back. The combination of emotions expressed on her face would have been powerful enough to kill a small child. Emily felt destroyed. Staring at him for a few seconds, she hoped that he could feel the full weight of her emotions before she turned, silently, and started down the path across the park. She hoped Mason wouldn’t follow her. He had done enough damage to remind her of everything that she had been working on. She knew he couldn’t love someone like her. She knew that it was all a lie. And more than anything, she knew that she couldn’t have this baby.
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Post by mason on Feb 8, 2011 4:16:17 GMT -4
you heard that i was trouble , BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTJ U S T T A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Mason knew that he wasn’t the only one having a difficult time dealing with the news. He could only imagine what Emily thought when she found out that she was without a doubt pregnant. Not only was she worried about being a teen mother but also the added fact that her child might not end up being her boyfriends. Eventually, Mason would realize how much harder this all was for her. The emotions she was going threw but he had to deal with it too. Just because she was suffering didn’t mean he had to let go all of his worries and focus on making her better. Though, that was one of the many things he wanted to do with her. Ever since Emily had admitted her past, Mas wanted to be that guy she could trust. The one that made her rethink her opinions on relationships. On love. The least he could do was make her happy. They had turned to each other for some serious emotional support without even trying. It all began with revealing their secrets. Well his was and he was pretty sure his girlfriend wasn’t running around telling everyone that she was a rape victim. Sex had merely pushed them into this direction. Mason trusted Emily more than anyone, which was why he told her about his twin brother; about the accident and all. Sure, the alcohol got the best of him that night but now, when he needed to, Mas had someone to talk to about his past. He felt secure and he wanted Em to feel the same way.
He clearly wasn’t doing a good job. After responding to her comment, he instantly regretted not saying that he loved her back. Because he did. Mason loved Emily more than anything but the hurt and confused part of him wouldn’t allow him to say it. It was like he was punishing her for what she did. Like he wanted her to feel how he was feeling but how could he do something like that? Purposely inflicting pain on another person just wasn’t who he was. “Emily…” He began, feeling a sting of pain in his gut as he watched her reaction. His heart sank as she backed away knowing he had really screwed up big time. Mason had refrained from saying much so he wouldn’t say the wrong thing but of course the words that managed to escape from his lips happen to be the worst. He hadn’t realized how deeply impacted she would be by not saying ‘I love you’ back until she began to walk away. Idiot. Mason balled his fists and brought one to his mouth, biting one of his fingers as he beat himself up on the inside. What is wrong with you Mason? Go after her. “Emily wait..” He jogged after her since she had gained some distance as he stalled. He reached his hand out to grab her arm and stepped in front to block her from walking any further. “I’m sorry…I don’t know what to say.” Mason sighed, staring at the heartbroken girl before him. “I do love you. I always have and I always will but…” He trailed off trying to quickly conjure up words that would make sense. “I’m confused. You just told me that you were pregnant and that the child might not be mine. I can’t really be all lovey dovey after finding something like that out.” He fought back tears as his emotions began to take control.
It was at that moment did Mason realize how much he wanted to be the father of her child. It seemed like a quick emotional response for him to have, especially considering that the baby might actually be Rigg’s. He wasn’t sure when this connection had began to form. Maybe right after she told him back at the restaurant. Or maybe in the car when everything was silent and he had time to think. Mason wasn’t even sure if he was thinking clearly right now. What if the longing to be a father was a side effect to his mix of emotions? He had to look away as his eyes glossed over. He swallowed a large lump in his throat as he tried to speak again. “I-I want this to work out…I want us to work out.” And that was true. He couldn’t just let go of something that he had tried so hard to obtain. Mason finally had Emily in his grasp. She was finally his for the taking but he was letting her slip away. This new baby was a big issue, one he imagined a lot of relationships ended over because of but he didn’t want to be that person who gave up without trying.
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Post by emily ann armstrong on Feb 8, 2011 5:04:51 GMT -4
k i s s m e o n t h e s i d e w a l kt a k e a w a y t h e p a i n b e c a u s e i s e e[ SPARKS FLY ] - - - - - - - - -
Mason had to be the father of this baby. There was no way that he couldn’t be. Emily didn’t necessarily believe in a ‘God’ but she did believe in a higher power and there was no way that ‘it’ would put something so perfect like Mason into her life just so that this could happen and he would leave. When Mason came into her life, he had comforted her and loved her and listened to her. Mason had become her rock. He knocked down all the walls that had been created by her father and her life experiences and he had held her while she cried. Emily never cried in front of people excluding her brother and Brooke who was close enough to be her sister. Mason had shown Emily what love looked like and felt like and he had taught her how to not only love him, but she was starting to love herself, too. Mason had proved to Emily time and time against that he was perfect for her in every single way and the realization that the ounce of perfection that he had brought to her life was now being taken away crushed her like the weight of a freight train. And all she wanted to do was cry.
Walking past a small park bench, Emily pushed it over and kicked it until the seat broke in half. Anger was something that Emily had always fought with and anger like this, stemmed from such deep pain, was more fierce than any other of her emotions. When Mason neglected to say those words, every wall that he had knocked down shot straight back up. She couldn’t be vulnerable to someone that only used her and only loved her when it was convenient for him. Mason had lied to her all those times that he had told her that he loved her and just thinking about him sent her into a fit of rage. Imagining his face plastered on the bottom of the seat, Emily kept kicking until she was certain that both her foot and the seat were thoroughly broken. Balling her fists, she continued to walk as soft tears bursted from her eyes. ”You were so stupid…” She mumbled to herself. She was stupid for listening to all the soothing lies that Mason told her. She was stupid for falling in love with him. She was stupid for not making him wear a condom. She was stupid for thinking that Mason was perfect and even more stupid for thinking that she had meant anything to him at all. Maybe it was good that she had fucked Rigg and maybe she would be lucky enough to have him be the father. Maybe she didn’t know him very well, but at least he never lied to her about loving her.
The adrenaline was still fresh in her blood when she heard Mason’s voice coming up behind her. She didn’t stop. Yanking her arm from his angrily, she pushed aside and kept walking. She didn’t care what he had to say but as she walked, she couldn’t drown out his voice. Hearing the words that he had neglected to say when they were at the car, she spun around to face him and charged at his chest, pushing him backwards. “Don’t you fucking tell me that you love me, you prick!” Her body was shaking with so much adrenaline and turning to the side, she kicked a garbage can with the same foot that she was certain she had broken, letting out a painful groan in the process. Emily knew that all the stress was bad on the baby but at that moment, she really didn’t care. She didn’t want this baby any more than she wanted Mason and right now, she didn’t want him at all.
Hearing his next words, she snapped her head in his direction, pain alive in her eyes. ”YOU’RE CONFUSED?!?!” She screamed, pushing him again. ”You’re not the one whose life is ruined! You’re not the one who is dealing with carrying a child! You’re not the one who was stupid enough to love someone who only wanted to use her!” Her eyes had grown glossy and she was in full blown hysterics by the time she could stop herself long enough to breathe. Clenching her jaw, she forced herself to look at him. Just the sight of him made her angry and it was taking all of her will power not to just deck him. She might be a girl and she might seem to be sweet but she had a twin brother and she certainly knew how to throw a good swing. “You don’t want to work this out.” She spat, turning away from him again. “All you wanted to do was fuck me and get your past off your chest and feel loved but you never loved me.” Her eyes were bursting with tears and she clenched her stomach, keeping her jaw tensed. The sobs were silent but they were visible and after not being able to stand in front of him anything longer, she turned and continued on down the path and leaving him behind.
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Post by mason on Feb 8, 2011 6:09:02 GMT -4
you heard that i was trouble , BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTJ U S T T A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Everything they had. Every touch, every kiss, every sensation. Every feeling Mason had towards Emily suddenly came crashing down with impeccable force. He watched as Emily stormed off from the car, clearly infuriated by what he said. She was taking all her anger out on central park’s private property. It brought flashbacks to the night at the club when he had punched his hand threw the bathroom mirror. It was obvious that self-infliction was something they both resorted to in the heat of the moment. Mason thought he had anger issues but seeing Emily like this was completely fresh to him. He had seen her playful side. Her flirtatious side. Her emotional side. But never had his witnessed her angry side until now. At first he thought nothing of it. Mas figured he could walk right up to her, apologize and she would fall right back into his arms as she had done many other times. There had always been a connection between the two of them that some how brought them back together. They fought here and there about little stuff, even as an unofficial couple. That was inevitable when you cared for someone so much but even their connection couldn’t bring them out of the moment.
He fumbled back on his step, completely off guard as she shoved him. “Why? You still afraid I’m going to leave you?” He was hurt, knowing that she wouldn’t forgive him. Why would she? Mason should have been able speak those words with easy knowing that he had said them many times before. He never imagined saying anything he didn’t mean. He meant it when he told her he loved her. Every single time but right now it didn’t matter. She was completely enraged at the one time he failed to say it. “What is wrong with you?” Mas watched as she kicked more things. He understood that she was mad but there was a point of taking it too far. He stood his ground as she pushed him again. She was now screaming as if the few feet that parted them wasn’t close enough to hear. The metrical distance between them was short but honestly he felt miles away from her. He still didn’t understand where all of this was coming from. Why did this have to happen? Why to them? Everything seemed perfect and now they were at each other’s throats, clearly in denial of what was really going on.
“Using you?!” Mason stepped forward, angry now. It was one thing to be angry but to accuse him of something that wasn’t true was the limit for him. “You were all I cared about from the start!” He raised his voice, knowing that what actions he took in this moment were most critical. They were in broad daylight, in the public eye and he only imagined some officer breaking them up within minutes for disturbing the peace. “Obviously I’m the one that got played…if you had feelings for me you wouldn’t have fucked rigg! And I don’t care if we weren’t together. You KNOW our feelings were mutual then.” His blood was boiling as adrenaline soared threw his body. Why he allowed himself to get so worked up was beyond him. Why was he even dealing with this? Any other guy would have been smarter to walk away at he first sign of destruction and this definitely wasn’t the first sign of their imperfect relationship. “How can you even say that? Why the hell would I be standing here fighting with you if I didn’t love you. You think anyone in their right mind would want to go threw all this just for some stupid fling?” What they had wasn’t a fling and it was far from stupid. It was real. All of it was real. Their love. Their pain. Their anger. This seemed liked nothing anyone would want in a relationship but maybe this proved its purity. Maybe this is what real couples went threw and they just didn’t know it.
Mason clenched his jaw and yanked at his hair as she began to walk away again. “So that’s it?” He followed, just two steps behind her so she could hear everything he was saying trailing behind her. “Youre going to run away from me like everything else in your life?” He mocked, clearly trying to get under her skin. If he was going down, he would do so with a bang. “One of these days you will realize I was the best thing that ever happened to you…” That was when Mason stopped in his tracks, waved his hand and started in the other direction. Walking away wasn’t easy at all. Honestly he was letting go of the best thing in his life. His heart ached, knowing if he had really lost Emily that would be the end of him.
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Post by emily ann armstrong on Feb 8, 2011 16:25:44 GMT -4
k i s s m e o n t h e s i d e w a l kt a k e a w a y t h e p a i n b e c a u s e i s e e[ SPARKS FLY ] - - - - - - - - -
Rage. That was the only recognizable emotion that Emily was feeling. Rage. She was furious at herself, furious with Mason, furious with Rigg, with everything and everyone. Emily knew this was her fault, even what was happening with her and Mason in that moment. Emily had been weak that first night that Mason had came over and thinking over it, she wished that she would have just fucked him like everyone else. Instead of making love, she should have fucked his brains out and sent him home a happy boy. She should have never been so stupid to fall for someone who would even claim to love her. No one loved Emily. Not her family, not her friends. She was alone and as she kicked the park bench, she tried to bury the memories and emotions attached to everyone who she had ever cared about who had let her down. It wasn’t just Mason.
It was his first words that stung. Of course he had to bring up her biggest fear, her biggest threat. Of course he would mention Jenna, however indirectly he was trying to do it. The fact that he would even mention those words bit at her. Of course Emily was afraid that Mason would leave. Mason was everything to her, he might as well be the breath around her and the idea of living without him was impossible, but why did he have to mention that? Why did he have to add that to her list of fears? Emily knew that she was beautiful and funny and great in bed but she didn’t have any of the sweetness or the innocence that Jenna had and if it were to ever truthfully come down to him choosing between her and Jenna, Emily was certain that Mason would choose Jenna. Her anger was only growing as she played out the different scenarios in her head. ”That’s what you want.” She retorted firmly, fighting every urge to hit him. ”You want Jenna. You always wanted Jenna.” Her jaw was tight and her body was shaking. How could she have ever been so stupid as to trust him?
Shaking her head furiously, she had to look away from him. He was hurting her just by being in the same country as she was. ”YOU! YOU ARE WHATS WRONG WITH ME!” She yelled, kicking the garbage can once again. ”You make me think that we had something real and then….then when I needed you most you just….” Emily couldn’t even keep talking. She wanted to say how much she felt like him not saying those words hurt her but she really didn’t think he cared. Watching him advance on her, she balled her fists even tighter.. ”Yes, using me.” She repeated coldly. Hearing his next words only produced more tears from her eyes and she shook her head again. ”You never cared about me. You just wanted me to play this fucked up little game of yours but I can’t do it anymore. The ONLY reason why you started dating me was to make Jenna jealous!”
Emily’s body was shaking so badly and when he mentioned Rigg, she had to close her eyes so that she didn’t just attack him. Emily had never been this angry before because she had never cared about someone this much before. ”YOU THINK I FUCKING PLAYED YOU?!? WOULD I BE FALLING APART RIGHT NOW IF I PLAYED YOU?” Her eyes shot open and she slammed her fist against her thigh forcefully. Mentioning Rigg was another stab to her chest. Emily knew that it was wrong for her to have fucked Rigg. It was bad timing and for all the wrong reasons but Mason couldn’t hold that against her. It didn’t matter that she was in love with him then because he knew from the beginning that she didn’t want this. ”You knew I never wanted this relationship but you forced it on me! You told me I had to choose between having you in my life as my boyfriend or not having you at all and now that you have me wound so tightly around your goddamn finger, you can’t even tell me that you love me!” A furious sigh spilled from her lips and she hit both of her legs again in order to prevent herself from attacking Mason.
It wasn’t even the fact that Mason couldn’t say ‘I love you’ in return as much as it was the combination of his actions since he had learned of the baby. Pulling away from her in the restaurant had hurt deeply but that pain was nowhere near the pain that she was feeling right now. Everything Mason was saying hit her hard. He was right, no one would want a woman like her. No one would want to fight for someone who only ever pushed them away. Emily was nothing good and she had nothing good to offer in a relationship, Mason was doing a great job at reminding her of this. ”Thank you.” She cried, staring deeply into his eyes. ”Thank you for reminding me how worthless I am. Thank you for reminding me how stupid I am. Thank you for reminding me how gullible I am.” Her words seemed to get a little softer but that was mostly because she was fighting the urge to just break down in front of him like she did every other time but things were different now. This was serious. ”Thank you. Really.”
Emily just wanted to get away from Mason but he wouldn’t let her. Why did he have to follow her? Why couldn’t he just give her space to think and cry and be unhappy by herself? She didn’t need him anymore, she didn’t want him anymore and the longer she felt him breathing down her neck, the more intense her anger grew and she yet again had to restrain herself from attacking him. The first cord he struck sent a wave of fury raging through her body but she kept walking. Emily did run away from everything but she shouldn’t have to run away from this. Mason should understand that this was killing her but he kept at it, he kept trying to break her down. His next words were the one that she couldn’t ignore. Stopping, her shaking intensified tenfold and she spun around to face him. He had turned his back on her but before she would let him walk away, she reached her left arm out to pull him back around and as she made eye contact with him, her right fist swung and hit him hard in the jaw.
Retracting her hand from his face, she sunk to the ground so full of emotion that she honestly just wanted to die. She didn’t care about the baby anymore, she didn’t care about anything anymore. Emily buried her face in her hands and sobbed. These cries were not silent, were not collected and the more she cried, the louder she became and the more tears tumbled down her cheek. Emily couldn’t blame Mason for not loving her. She manifested that reality by not loving herself first and she wouldn’t hold that against him. Guilt was quickly washing over her as she felt her knuckles swell but she couldn’t look at him –she couldn’t even open her eyes. She deserved to have him leave. Not only was she abusive towards him emotionally, but now she had hit him. Shaking her head, her sobs got louder. Emily deserved Mason’s hate but she definitely did not deserve his love.
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Post by mason on Feb 9, 2011 4:28:18 GMT -4
you heard that i was trouble , BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTJ U S T T A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Jenna was a touchy subject. For both Mason and Emily. It was apparent as the topic changed to his ex girlfriend. He didn’t want to bring the junior into it but he knew from the get go, ever since he began to form feelings for Emily, that his past relationship would be a hot topic. The first time he had sex with Em happened to be after a big fight with Jenna. The boy was still hooked on his ex because she was the first person in Manhattan to come into his life. There was no denying that Mason had fallen for the underclassman over the summer, which was when they had spent most their time together. Their relationship was different though. He cared for the girl more than he had anticipated but they weren’t sexual. For some reason he never wanted to be like that with her, as if a way to prove his feelings. But having that sexual connection with Emily made Mason realize sex was needed in a relationship. Maybe the timing was different for every couple. He had received that portion early on from Emily. It was what built their emotions for each other because on that first night they weren’t just having sex, they were making love. Mason knew that terrified Emily. She made it known that he was the only one who had trapped her on that level of passion. She also made it known that Jenna was a threat. Maybe at first, when Mas still wanted to be with his ex but it was different now. He only wanted to be with Emily. That was why he fought so hard to put a label on their relationship. If that wasn’t proof enough then he wasn’t sure what was.
He bit his tongue, allowing her to run her mouth about his ex before he made a statement. “If I WANTED Jenna then I would be with HER right now instead of YOU!” Mason fought back. It frustrated him, having to repeat the same thing over and over. He wasn’t sure how many fights they had been in which involved Jenna but it was getting tiring. Yes, he still cared for the girl. He couldn’t just get over the feelings he had for his ex but the bigger picture was that his feelings for Emily were stronger and would always keep him with her. That was if she allowed him to. Right now their future wasn’t looking so bright. The only reason Emily didn’t want a relationship was because of her past. Mason realized that later on down the road. Maybe he did pressure her a little but how could he not? He knew that the feeling was mutual. Why waste something like that? And the only reason he gave her an ultimatum was because he knew he couldn’t handle loving her but not being with her. For him, that was more painful than letting her go completely. At least then they wouldn’t have to look at each other every day and think ‘what could have been.’ Maybe he should have left her apartment that day. Mason should have made her choose then instead of giving her time and getting his hopes up. They finally became a couple but now she didn’t want it. “And you obviously still don’t want it! You don’t want me. I was a fool for believing I could make this work.” Mason closed his eyes and tilted his head back as he fought back tears. Was this really about to end? Would he lose her like everything else he loved in his life? “I do love you…more than anything.” He refused to look at her as tears fell from his eyes. He took a deep breath as a large wave of emotions overcame him. He wasn’t angry anymore, he was sad. Heart broken.
Mason only looked back at her as she rambled on about of worthless she was. He bit down on his lower lip and shook his head knowing none of it was true. She was an amazing girl and it killed him on the inside to watch Emily put herself down. If it was anyone she should have put down it was him. It was the guys from her past. It was the people that caused her pain. It was now apparent to Mason that he would not be her knight in shinny armor. As much as he wanted to be, it just wasn’t him. If all he could do was make her feel worse then he didn’t even deserve to compete. Feeling his insides split in two, Mas wished he could take back everything he said because he was wrong. Maybe if he chose his words more carefully he could save this relationship but it was too late. He had crossed the boundary. He turned away, defeated and looking like a complete ass with tear stains across his cheeks.
A glint of hope teased his sensations as he felt her hand grasp around his arm. Mason faced her but what started out as hope turned into complete shock. Both mentally and physically. He raised a hand to his face as waves a pain shot threw his body. She may have been a girl but Emily had a nice punch. It would leave some sort of mark. His adrenaline started pumping again, allowing the pain to fade away. His eyes fell on his girl friend, or ex, as she dropped to the ground. Why was this happening?
Mason was angry again. Angry that he would cause her so much pain to want to hurt him. That was a stab in the heart. It was obvious he wasn’t making her happy. He might as well leave so she could start the process of getting over him but he couldn’t force himself to move. Mason’s head said ‘run away’ while his body told him differently. He wanted to kneel down next to her. Comfort her but he was frustrated and she was infuriated. There was a possible chance she would slug him again or he would say something stupid. “Please get up.” He mumbled quietly.
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Post by emily ann armstrong on Feb 9, 2011 5:37:14 GMT -4
k i s s m e o n t h e s i d e w a l kt a k e a w a y t h e p a i n b e c a u s e i s e e[ SPARKS FLY ] - - - - - - - - -
Had she really just hit him? Had she really allowed her fury to fester that badly? Had she really hurt him like that? Shock was seeping through her skin as she thought over what had just happened. Emily knew that she was angry but angry enough to hit Mason? Mason didn’t deserve that. Never would Emily intentionally hurt him and here she had, in a fit of rage. She couldn’t even look at him. No man had ever hit Emily and she had no right to hit him. Mason was so kind, so loving...he would never treat her the way that she was treating him. Why couldn’t she just be understanding of his pain, too? Why did she have to be so selfish?
It was a painful realization that Emily was entirely responsible for everything that was happening. She was responsible for being pregnant because she didn’t make them wear protection. She was responsible for the fighting between her and Mason because she was selfish and attention seeking. She was responsible for the slowly forming bruise on Mason’s cheek and the split bones of his knuckles. She was responsible for her jealousy over Jenna because she refused to believe that Jenna wasn’t a threat. Emily didn’t trust Mason but not because he hadn’t earned it. Emily didn’t trust Mason because she didn’t know how to trust. She thought she did know how to trust but that just got them here: her crying on the cemented walk way and him with her fist mark on his face.
Guilt charged through her again as she heard him speak. How could he still be talking to her? How could he still want anything to do with her after she had done something as terrible as hit him? Moving her hands from her face, she forced her eyes to look up at his. Standing before her was her everything. Before Mason came into her life, Emily hadn’t even realized how much she was missing. She hadn’t been able to calculate the void in her chest until he showed up and filled it so effortlessly. Emily made him fight to prove that he loved her and she was still making him fight because she couldn’t believe that she would ever be worthy of all the goodness inside of him. Mason had a lot of pain from his past but he didn’t let that stop him from being a good person. Some people thought that Mason was a heavy boozer but Emily really didn’t think that he drank too much. His only real shortcoming was ever loving her.
Emily could clearly make out the stains from his tears and it crushed her even more to know that she had made him cry. Every molecule of Emily’s being wanted to reach out to him and comfort him and apologize to him but she just couldn’t do that to him. It was classic abusive behavior to hit a loved one out of rage and then console them afterwards and give logical reasoning for their abusive actions. Emily couldn’t do that to Mason, she wouldn’t. Emily would not be an abuser and after allowing her anger to slip this one time, she would never, ever let it happen again. Retracting the hand that had began extending in his direction, she bit down on her bottom lip and her forehead creased again. Not wanting to make him feel any more, Emily pushed against the ground and though she was weak and found it difficult to keep her balance, she stood up and looked at him again. All of her frustration was gone as she stood, broken, and stared at the only man she had ever loved.
”Mason….” She whispered in a barely audible tone. She was lost for words. How could she repent for what she had just done to him? Not only the emotional damage that she had caused that afternoon, but the physical wound that she had produced on his face. She needed to apologize to him but not right now, not after she had broken him down like she just had. Emily couldn’t believe that she had allowed her anger to grow so strongly, strong enough to overpower her love for him. As she watched the yellow tint of a bruise start to dab at his cheek, a fresh stream of tears silently slid down her face. ”I shouldn’t have hurt you.” She gasped quietly. Emily shouldn’t have been so upset over him not telling her that he loved her but it was too late now. Emily wanted to turn away from him, she wanted to turn and run away but her feet wouldn’t move. Glancing down at them, she noticed the blood slowly oozing from her foot and she sighed, slightly relieved that Mason would not be the only one who would get out of this with physical wounds to match their emotional ones.
Blinking away the tears that were building up, Emily rubbed her hand that was now swollen. This was no longer about Jenna and this was no longer about the baby. This was about Emily and Mason. Not once in their entire relationship had she felt as though they couldn’t figure things out. She knew that she didn’t have the most suitable way of addressing her emotions to him but she had always loved him. Since the first night they had spent together Emily knew that he was different. She knew he was special. ”You were special.” She whispered, trying to maintain eye contact with him but her heart was breaking even more the longer that she looked into his eyes. Mason was the one who had broken down her walls and had loved her at her rawest, most open state. How could she have ruined everything that he had given her?
Wanting to touch him again, Emily had to take a step back to prevent herself from pulling him into her arms. She didn’t trust herself anymore. This fight had caused her to do something that she could never forgive herself for and there was no way that she was going to allow herself the opportunity to hurt him more. She felt like she had lost him and there was no way for her to get him back. Her eyes had softened as they looked into his and she tried to remember to breathe. ”He got me pregnant but then I lost the baby.” She spoke softly, referring to the night that she was raped and taking another step back because she didn’t want him to reach out to comfort her. She wasn’t telling him to make him feel bad or to upset him in any way but she was hopeful that maybe it would help him understand why this was so important to her. Why this baby and this baby’s father were so important to her. ”I just thought you should know why this upset me so badly." Her eyes shot down to the floor and a combination of shame and guilt and sadness washed over. "I'm sorry, Mason. I won’t make a scene if you’ve decided that you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.” She whispered, trying to drive a wall back up fast enough to take most of the force from the words that she was fearful he would say in return. The words were hard to say but she felt like he deserved to know that she wasn’t going to make him stay with her, especially not after what she had just done to him. "I shouldn't have done that and you don't deserve to have to see that side of me." Emily loved him too much to continue putting him through this pain.
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Post by mason on Feb 17, 2011 3:55:17 GMT -4
you heard that i was trouble , BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTJ U S T T A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Maybe Mason hadn’t reacted to the physical abuse that was just displayed because of the shock that numbed his body. He knew that sometimes his temper got the best of him. He knew a lot words were exchanged that he didn’t even mean. And he knew all of this made him want to walk away to the nearest bar, take a couple shots and drink his sorrows away. Mason wasn’t the best under pressure. He didn’t like it when things didn’t go his away. It was hard for him to handle the fact that nothing would ever be the same. He would never see his brother again. He would never have a close relationship with his family. He, as a person, would never fully recover from all the pain he had been suffering and was continuing to feel at the very moment. Emily was the closest thing to perfection in his life. She made him feel whole again and watching themselves, their relationship, deteriorate before his eyes scared the crap out of her. She may have some how bundled up the courage to sock him in the face; and needless to say he deserved it for the things her said but never would he raise his hand to her.
Instead he just stood there. While every brain cell screamed RUN all of his bones and muscles kept his feet planted on the side walk before her. Everyone else saw a girl who was trouble. Emily was the attention seeker who laid in bed with any guy that was worthy of her body. Mason saw a troubled girl. One who had every reason to act the way she did. She had a past that he assumed very few knew about. But if they had, they would understand. They would all realize what Mason had. That Emily was simply a girl who had beaten and bruised from the inside out and all she needed was someone to save her. Someone to make her feel special and loved. Mas had been trying to do those very things since day one and despite all the fighting, all the confusion, all the pain. He was still there. Knowing he wasn’t ready to give up. Confident that he would succeed.
Mason watched as Emily slowly stood to her feet. She was weak from all of the emotional and physical stress she had been putting on herself. Every kind and loving part of his soul told him to reach out and comfort her. It was in his nature to help everyone else but himself. But maybe that was the reason he was in this mess to begin with. He cared more about everyone else than himself. Minus the way he acted the night his brother died. That was one of the most selfish moves he had made in the entire span of his life. But since then he put others before him. He allowed his father to force him into football. He let his parents blame him for Caleb’s death. He let everyone in his new home to perceive him as someone he wasn’t so they didn’t have to carry his burden. He let Jenna get away because he was afraid of hurting her. And now he had forced Emily into a relationship she didn’t want because he was certain he could help her. Plus the selfish side where Mason couldn’t control his feelings for her. Maybe he’d be smart to walk away now. Maybe it would be the right choice for the both of them but he didn’t want to look back and say what if. He knew this wouldn’t be easy. Dating a girl who was pregnant and with a baby that had only half of chance of being his. That was far from easy but a part of him said to go for it.
He wiped the tears from his cheeks as she finally looked at him. He was far from keeping his composure. Mason never allowed himself to cry, at least not in front of anyone else. He licked his lips and shock his head at her first words. “Don’t…” He wasn’t looking for an apology. He deserved to be put in his place. He should have never said the things he had to her. None of it was true. It was simply his frustration being released in the wrong way. Unfortunately there was no mirror around to punch. Emily’s tears sent another shock of pain threw his body. What anger that had projected was gone now. They were both simmered down but far from equilibrium. Not only could he see her sadness but Mason could feel it. He didn’t want her to hurt anymore. She deserved to be happy. She didn’t need this kind of stress, especially with a baby on the way. But he was sure if she was happy with anymore. His eyes skimmed her weak body and he could only imagine how much physical pain she was in. Not only had she inflicted pain onto him but herself and the blood coming from her foot was no secret of her. Mason knew she had messed up her foot from the get go but he was too emotionally disturbed to point it out. He knew he would have to get her to the hospital but first he had to get her in the car.
Special was not the word he had been searching for. Prick. Jerk. Ass. Those seemed like more suitable words for the way he had been acting since the restaurant. But Mason did believe that what they had was special. He believed Emily was special and that was the reason he wasn’t giving up. He wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t trust himself from saying anything stupid. As long as he kept his cool, everything should have been alright.
His eyes closed and his muscles clenched as her next statement rang in his ears like an annoying car alarm. The guy who had raped her before had also gotten her pregnant? He felt the heart turn up within his body. If only he knew who the guy was. Mason could only imagine the physical hurt he would do to the kid. He wanted to step close and console her but it was apparent that wasn’t what she wanted. Just as he opened his eyes and motioned closer, Emily had stepped back. He sighed, understanding that it wasn’t guilt that she intended on him feeling after revealing the new information. Mason had known all along that the baby was important The forming child was already something special to him, even with the possibility of not being his. But there was more to it than that for her and now he knew. He took a deep breath as her words finally came to a stop. He searched for the words he wanted to say. He was careful to think out what he was about to say. “That’s nothing compared to what you have gone threw…” Mason began. He really didn’t know what type of pain she had gone threw but he could see it in her eyes. “I don’t want to be another guy who causes you more pain.” He stepped forward and placed his fingers against her arm. He wasn’t hesitating anymore. “Don‘t let me stop you from being happy.” He swallowed the last words with pain, knowing there was a possibility he’d have to let her go.
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Post by emily ann armstrong on Feb 19, 2011 4:52:58 GMT -4
k i s s m e o n t h e s i d e w a l kt a k e a w a y t h e p a i n b e c a u s e i s e e[ SPARKS FLY ] - - - - - - - - -
Emily was in shock. Her body was trembling from the adrenaline that was still pulsating throughout her body and it was nearly impossible for her to look at Mason without hating herself even more. Her thoughts were even more scattered as she stood in front of him. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind anymore as to whether she was worthy of Mason or not because she knew she wasn’t. She had put him through hell over this situation and she couldn’t even control her thoughts and emotions enough to not hit the one person who would never hurt her. Mason was the only person who ever tried to actually know Emily. He knew her likes and her strengths and her flaws and he insisted that he loved her anyway. How could she ever deserve that? He would do anything for her and all she could do was deck him and make him feel guilty and responsible for everything that was fucked up about her.
Her eyes were downcast as she tried to steady her breathing, now feeling embarrassed for breaking down in front of him. Her tears were still falling heavily but they were mute. Emily didn’t know what to say to him. Everything was hitting her so hard from so many different directions and none of it made sense. Watching the expression on Mason’s face change, Emily felt guilty for telling him. She didn’t want him to be upset or sad or angry about what happened because there was no way to change it, but she wanted him to understand why she was fighting so badly. Emily couldn’t allow this baby to have a father like her own or a father like the man who had used her. Mason was the greatest man that Emily knew. He wasn’t mean or hurtful or manipulative. He loved her and cared about her and accepted her with her flaws. It was Emily that was messed up and she knew that all the issues they had ever had were her fault. They were caused by her and her inability to trust him the way that she wanted to and the way that he deserved.
Watching his body motion towards her, Emily was relieved that she had increased the space between them. A huge part of her just wanted to cling to him and kiss him and apologize for everything that she had done throughout their relationship. She wanted to apologize for fighting with him over them becoming official, for waiting so long to tell him that she loved him, for ever pretending like all she wanted from him was sex. She wanted to apologize for not trusting him about Jenna, for even ever meeting Rigg. Emily was sorry for everything. ”You deserve so much Mason…..I don’t feel like I’m good enough to give it to you.” It was hard for her to say it because she didn’t want him to think she was trying to push him away, it was just how she truly felt. Emily had never felt like she was good enough for Mason but she was trying. She was trying and as long as he didn’t give up on her, she wouldn’t give up on them.
Emily shook her head as he began to speak, tears clouding her eyes again. ”You don’t cause me pain.” She said, the words high-pitched and quick to leave her lips. She swallowed some of the nerves that were stinging her throat as she looked at him, her bottom lip quavering. ”You make me happy. Happier than I think I’ve ever been.” It hurt Emily to think that Mason didn’t know how much he saved her. Mason had only ever proven how important Emily was to him and how he would do anything for her. Emily couldn’t help but flinch as his skin met hers. She had been afraid to let him touch her for fear of hitting him again but as she forced herself to look into his eyes, she knew she never would. Trying not to break down and start bawling again, she clenched her jaw to hold back the tears that were desperately trying to escape.
Allowing Mason the knowledge of what had happened made her feel even more vulnerable towards him. Mason knew everything now. He knew about her father and her relationship with her mom and brother, and now he knew about this. He knew why she resorted to sex, knew why it was easier than love. But he also knew that what she felt for him was stronger than any desire she had ever held for another person. This wasn’t lust. Furrowing her brow, she looked into his eyes. She wasn’t going to be the stereotypical abuser who hurt someone she loved either emotionally or physically or in their case, both, but she didn’t want him to feel like she didn’t care. Her body was shaking again as her hands balled into fists at her side to prevent herself from reaching out to touch him. ”I don’t want to keep hurting you this way.” Her words were soft and heavily coated in guilt. Her eyes searched his. Maybe Mason really did want out of this relationship. Maybe he realized that Emily really was worthless and a waste of time.
Closing her eyes, her heart was breaking over the fact that she couldn’t hold him the way she wanted to right now. ”I won’t be the abuser..” She mumbled softly, taking a step back and keeping her eyes locked on the ground. ”I won’t be the person who hits you and then tries to make you feel responsible so that they can console you.” Sighing heavily, she straightened her body a little but kept her eyes away from him. ”I’m sorry. I’m sorry that things are like this right now…I’m sorry that I got us into this position. I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to deal with this but I’m trying so just….just give me a little time, okay?” She held back yet another round of tears as she spoke. Mason might want out of the relationship but she just didn’t have the strength to talk about the bad stuff anymore. Taking a reluctant step towards him, she leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him softly, her tears streaming down his cheeks. Her hands held his face momentarily before she stepped away and turned her back on him. She didn’t want to just leave him but she couldn’t stay and keep talking about the bad things. Guild was seeping through every inch of her as she began walking. Her house was only a few blocks from the park and even though her foot was damaged, she knew she would make it home soon.
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