Savin' me (brooke)

[emily ann armstrong]

SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Emily needed her best friend. With all the news of the baby and the reactions that she had drawn from both Mason and Rigg, Emily needed emotional support. She needed the one person who wouldn’t give up on her for this mistake. The one person who wouldn’t tell Emily she was wrong for feeling guilty and wanting to get rid of the baby. The one person who would just hold Emily and let her cry. The one person that Emily felt entirely safe with…. Emily needed Brooke and she needed her now.

Not even wasting the time to send Brooke a text, Emily gathered a small overnight bag and headed towards Brooke’s apartment. The cold New York air was brisk as it coated Emily’s face and she just wanted to cry. How could she have done this to herself? How could she have done this to Rigg and Mason? Emily was cold and selfish and didn’t deserve happiness. She didn’t deserve to be with Mason when she couldn’t even commit to him until very recently and now was possibly pregnant with another man’s child. She didn’t deserve Brooke because all Emily did was use Brooke as a shoulder to cry on and Emily definitely didn’t deserve to have this baby. Emily was bad and nothing should be obligated to love her forever.

Sniffling back a few tears, Emily barged her way past the doorman and hit the elevator button to Brooke’s floor. Stepping inside the elevator, guilt washed over Emily again. The last time she had been in that elevator she had been with Mason. Mason who was perfect in every single way, Mason who deserved the world and all the stars included. That night with him had been exciting and passionate and it was the first time that Emily was able to release her fear of him retuning to Jenna. Now, though, as Emily’s hands covered her abdomen protectively, Emily almost withed that Mason would have chosen Jenna. Jenna wouldn’t have been stupid enough to get pregnant. Hell, Jenna wasn’t even stupid enough to have sex. Tears were pouring from her eyes as the doors opened to Brooke’s floor and Emily had to brace her hand against the wall for a second before she could see clearly enough to walk.

Emily usually didn’t knock to announce her presence but tonight she felt unworthy and unwelcome and before she invaded Brooke’s night with her tears and her frustration, she would give her the chance to back out. Tapping her knuckles lightly on the door, Emily allowed the silent tears to continue their journey down her cheekbones. Her clothing was lazy and ugly and clearly represented just how bad Emily felt.

TAGGED ! Brooke
WORDS ! four five oh
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! sorry its so short and shitty! You’ll get better next time, I promise!

[brooke nicole davis]

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES

if ten million fireflies lit up
THE WORLD AS I FELL ASLEEP

To Brooke, something about her life felt off lately. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it was definitely something and it was leaving uneasy a feeling inside the eighteen year old’s heart. She had a feeling, however, that it was something to do with Emily – one of her best friends. The girl had been facing a lot of complications lately, and Brooke had heard about Mason the last time they had gone out for lunch. It was a difficult thing for Emily to go through because she wasn’t used to having actual feelings for the guys that she slept with, and Brooke had done her best to be there and help her friend through it. It was hard for Brooke to deal with Emily being so confused because she was always so sure of herself, but everyone had those days when they just needed to vent and figure out frustrations in their lives, and Emily seemed to have gotten over the worst part of what was going on with Mason. But, she still hadn’t been herself lately and Brooke had no idea why. She knew that it was better not to nag or pry, and knew that if her friend wanted to talk about whatever was going on, she would do it when she was ready. It was an unspoken understanding that the two of them had, and it worked well for both of them. They knew that they could go to each other for anything, and didn’t have to worry about being judged or anything when the need to vent arose.

It was early evening now, and Brooke had spent the day finishing up her homework so she could have the weekend free. She had just wrapped up two chapters worth of questions an hour ago, and had eaten dinner with her parents before going back to her room, showering, and putting on a pair of pyjamas since she wasn’t planning to go out that night. Most nights she would have, but her homework and cheer practise had worn her out and she was too tired to do anything but read and play around on Facebook. She had already gotten a few texts from various friends asking her to go and hang out, but she just wasn’t in the mood that night. In fact, she was entirely content in her pink boot slippers and pyjamas just relaxing for the evening. She had even turned down going shopping for new dresses with her mother, which had surprised the older woman since Brooke was always down for shopping. That was just how tired and lazy she was feeling that night. She debated calling Emily, Olivia, or both to come over and have a girls’ night watching movies and eating popcorn, but had decided against it because she wasn’t sure if she could have stayed awake. It was a strange thing for her to be so tired since she never usually was, but everyone had days like this when they were lazy and unmotivated and just wanted to relax so that’s the story that Brooke was going to go with for now.

After growing bored of the book she had been reading, she set is aside on her nightstand after marking her page and turned on her computer to go on MSN for a bit. She was having a particularly interesting conversation with one of the people she knew from Belmont but really only talked to occasionally when she heard a soft knock on her bedroom door. After telling the person that she would be right back, she crossed the room to open the door, expecting to see Maria or one of her parents. What she saw instead was Emily, who looked like she had spent the entire day crying. She was carrying an overnight bag and basically looked like hell. Automatically, Brooke’s expression turned from bored and tired to one of concern and surprise. “Em!” she said with concern, noticing how red her eyes were and opening the door wider. “Come in. What’s wrong?”

[/color] she said, reaching forward to take the small bag from her friend and moving aside to let her walk into the room. Brooke assumed that whatever was wrong must have been serious, and she went quickly into best friend mode, ready to be whatever Emily needed her to be so that she could feel better. [/font][/size][/blockquote]

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status: COMPLETE
tagged: EMMY BABY <3
words: 730
outfit: CLICK.
notes: ANYTHING ELSE?
lyrics: FIREFLIES, OWL CITY
credit: TEMPLATE BY SHAZI ?! AT CAUTION 2.0

[emily ann armstrong]

SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Emily entered the room like a zombie and dropped her bag onto Brooke’s arm before falling forward on to it and beginning to cry once more. Emily had no strength to fight the overwhelming emotions that were threatening her sanity. What had started as pitying herself and wondering why everyone else had gotten her into this situation quickly transformed into her feeling guilty for hurting them. Especially Mason. Since day one, Mason had been perfect to Emily. He was kind and gentle and loving but not to the point that she felt smothered and up until she finally caved and entered a relationship with him, he had allowed their relationship to move at her pace. This baby changed things, especially if it wasn’t his.

”What if it isn’t Mason’s? What if he leaves me because he realizes that I’m just a whore who was never worthy of him? What will Jenna make him believe? He’ll be upset and she’ll come to his rescue and he’ll leave me and I’ll be all alone to raise this baby!” Emily hadn’t even realized that she had been vocalizing her thoughts but at each word, she grew even more hysterical and her tears were staining Brooke’s bedspread. ”I’ve ruined everything! I’ve ruined Rigg and Jenna, I’ve ruined Mason- I’m such a fuck up…im so unworthy of love even love like this..” Emily rolled onto her side and cupped her stomach in her arms. ”I don’t deserve a baby.”

There was no way for Emily to process all the thoughts scrambling her head and the more she tried, the more confused she became. Emily wanted the baby because she wanted the security of knowing that it would love her and rely on her and need her just as much as she would need it. But was that really a good reason to have a baby? Emily felt so selfish already, she couldn’t be a selfish mother too. ”What if Mason leaves me?” Emily asked, looking at Brooke for the first time. It was her biggest fear about this situation. Yes, Emily was nervous about being a mother but she knew that she had the ability to love selflessly. It was the idea of losing Mason that terrified her so much. ”I can’t lose him, Brooke…I can’t.”

Mason and Emily had not had very much time to enjoy each other as a couple before this news hit them. When Mason came into her life, he seemed to pick up all the pieces that Emily didn’t even know she was missing. He completed her in a way that no one had been able to before and she had fallen, uncontrollably, head over heels for him. It was beautiful and terrifying and something that Emily felt completely unprepared to deal with. Now this baby just complicated everything. Sighing and trying to calm her tears, Emily turned towards Brooke again. ”And what if I’m a bad mom?”

TAGGED ! Brooke
WORDS ! four eight eight
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! sorry its so short and shitty! You’ll get better next time, I promise!

[brooke nicole davis]

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES

if ten million fireflies lit up
THE WORLD AS I FELL ASLEEP

Brooke stood the side as Emily dropped her overnight bag into Brooke’s hand before wandering into the room. She watched as Emily fell into her arms, and tightened her arms around her best friend before dropping the bag and closing the door, telling Maria not to let anyone disturb them. Once that was done, Brooke kept a comforting arm around Emily’s shoulders and led her to the bed, where she forced her to sit down. The poor girl looked like she hadn’t slept, and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Brooke’s heart went out to Emily, and she hoped that she would be able to coax her friend out of the depression that she seemed to be sinking into. She had never seen Emily look so hopelessly lost and depressed, so it was a new experience for her. The Emily that she knew was confident, cocky and flirtatious, and could never leave her house without looking her absolute best. The Emily she was seeing now had bags under her eyes, mascara smeared on her face, and dressed in the baggiest, most comfortable clothing she had. Her hair was also messier than usual, which meant that Emily was not herself right now, and may not be for a while.

Brooke let Emily rant, and all she did was rub her shoulder soothingly, trying to calm her down. Her every thought and emotion seemed to be surfacing right now, whether Emily was aware of it or not. She wasn’t even taking a breath between sentences, and Brooke really had no opportunity to say anything back until her friend was done her emotional rant. When she stopped to take a breath, Brooke gave her a sympathetic look and tried to formulate comforting words to try and reassure the crying girl beside her. “Em, if Mason didn’t think you were worthy of him then he wouldn’t still be with you right now. He’s not going to leave you for Jenna because he’s already chosen you, she said soothingly, hoping those words would help Emily feel better. Emily’s level of hysteria was getting worse as the minutes ticked by, and Brooke wished that she could say the right thing to make all of her friend’s pain go away. “You’re being too hard on yourself, boo. You haven’t ruined anyone. It’s not like you planned to get pregnant or anything. Plus, Jenna and Rigg are together last I checked. And you’re definitely worthy of love, just like everyone else,” she responded calmly, hoping Emily wouldn’t try to argue with her about it. It was very likely to happen, but she hoped it wouldn’t just this once. “Don’t say that, Em. ”

Emily fell silent after that, so Brooke simply kept rubbing her shoulder and tightened her grip to comfort her and try to make her feel better. She hoped that she would be able to get her friend through this since they had all night, and hoped that by the next morning Emily would feel better about the whole thing. A baby was going to be a big responsibility, but Brooke knew that her friend could handle it. Brooke would even help her as much as she could, and she was sure Mason would too which would make the whole thing easier on Emily. “He’s not going to leave you just because you’re pregnant, Em. He’s shown you countless times that he loves you, so believe it and don’t worry about losing him because you won’t!” She hoped that the response didn’t sound too harsh, because it wasn’t supposed to be. She shook her head at Emily questioning her parenting abilities. “I know you, boo, and I have faith that you won’t be. That baby’s lucky it’ll have you as a mom,” she said, giving Emily a weak smile. Brooke had always thought about the possibility of Emily getting pregnant with the way she was, but she had always pictured her as a good mother if it ever happened and she kept it, so she was sticking by that opinion now.

[/size][/blockquote]

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status: COMPLETE
tagged: EMMY BABY <3
words: 683
outfit: CLICK.
notes: ANYTHING ELSE?
lyrics: FIREFLIES, OWL CITY
credit: TEMPLATE BY SHAZI ?! AT CAUTION 2.0

[emily ann armstrong]

SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Emily felt like her heart was breaking. Ever since she had told Mason she was pregnant, nothing had been okay. Maybe it was a combination of the hormonal imbalance that was being created by the rapidly growing embryo in Emily’s abdomen and the hollow aching in her chest, but everything felt like it was falling apart. Being pregnant at eighteen was not what she wanted to happen when she had decided to sleep with both boys. In fact, being in this situation with two men was never something Emily had ever wanted for herself. She didn’t want it for herself, she didn’t want it for Rigg, and she definitely didn’t want it for Mason. Being pregnant again was something that Emily just couldn’t deal with.

After exploding her word vomit all over Brooke, Emily felt like she could finally breathe again for the first time in days. Turning her shoulder towards Brooke, Emily leaned into Brooke’s chest and listened to her speak. ”I want to believe that, but I’m scared. You don’t understand how much better Jenna is than me....and how much I love Mason..” Emily’s voice cracked at the last few words. Emily didn’t want to dwell over her fear of Mason leaving her for Jenna but it was the single most fearful thought in her head, and in her heart.

”It feels like I’ve ruined everything, though. Really, it does.” Sighing, Emily rubbed some of the moisture from her eyes. Never had Emily ever felt so low before. Never had she ever felt so empty, so alone. Not even the knowledge of the small baby in her abdomen could make her feel better. Once Emily felt like her tears had ceased enough for her to speak without crying, she turned to Brooke and sighed. Looking into her best friend’s eyes, Emily felt guilty about all the things that she had never told Brooke. Secrets were only kept by Emily out of fear of how people would react if they knew them. Emily had secrets because she needed to protect herself but right now, she needed to get this off her chest. ”B……there’s a lot more to this..” Blinking away a few tears, she glanced down at her still-flat stomach. ”I was raped when I was fifteen…” Pausing, she glanced back up at Brooke and had to fight back tears. ”I got pregnant…..but things were too stressful and I lost the baby…..and I….was relieved…”

Guilt was smothering her and tears bursted from her eyelids once again as she grasped her abdomen and doubled over. ”What if I kill this baby, too?” She cried, her eyes slamming shut. All she could imagine was the pain in Mason’s eyes when he found out that this baby was his but that she had killed it. He would hate her. ”What if it does turn out to be Mason’s baby but my body Kills it?” She shook her head furiously and her body began rocking slowly to try and fight off the shakes that were jolting her spine. ”What if I kill his baby? How could he love me after that? He couldn’t love me….”

TAGGED ! Brooke
WORDS ! five two two
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! sorry its so short and shitty! You’ll get better next time, I promise!

[brooke nicole davis]

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES

if ten million fireflies lit up
THE WORLD AS I FELL ASLEEP

Brooke’s deepest sympathy went out to Emily. The poor girl seemed to be sinking into a deep, dark depression that she couldn’t escape, but Brooke hoped that wasn’t the case. Emily was always so strong, confident and full of herself so seeing her so down was a new thing to experience, but as one of her best friends Brooke was determined to help her get through it. That was the top duty of a best friend, and Brooke was going to perform that duty to the best of her ability. She wasn’t used to being the stronger of the two, but she would do it for Emily’s sake. Of course, that wasn’t to say that Brooke herself wasn’t a strong person because she most definitely was; it was just that she was used to only being strong for herself and not someone else since most of the people in her life knew how to be strong on their own. Emily at always been at the top of that list, and to see her so broken down was heart breaking, so Brooke hoped that their sleepover would help cheer her friend up. Or at least, make her stop putting herself down so much and blaming herself for everything that had been going on the last few weeks.

As Emily sobbed and talked, Brooke stayed silent and rubbed her best friend’s shoulder soothingly, trying to calm her down. After a few minutes, she decided it was best for Emily to just let everything out before Brooke said anything, so that’s what she did. She watched Emily turn towards her, and after a second she had buried her head in Brooke’s shoulder, which Brooke responded too by pulling the crying girl into a tight hug, stroking her friend’s back and hair comfortingly. She didn’t even care that she would have smeared make up all over her shirt; all she cared about was Emily and getting her through this. “I understand how you feel, Em, but you have no reason to be scared. We’ll get you through the pregnancy and Mason is going to be there with you every step of the way. He’s not going to abandon you, so try to give him more credit than that.” Mason seemed like a good guy, and Brooke had faith that he would help get Emily through this, especially if it was his baby. He didn’t seem like the type that would turn his back on his own flesh and blood, and Brooke hoped to God that that opinion was correct. “I understand how much you love Mason and how afraid you are of losing him, but if he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t be right now. And don’t think for a second that you’re worthless and Jenna’s perfect because she isn’t; nobody is.”

At Emily’s next words, Brooke shook her head. “You haven’t ruined anything. It might feel like that because you’re afraid and don’t know who’s baby’s growing inside you right now, but I promise you that nothing’s been ruined by this. It’s not like you purposely got pregnant just to get the things you wanted and demolish everything standing in your way. You may like sleeping around, but that isn’t a crime and neither is getting pregnant,” she said calmly, handing her friend a tissue from the box on her night stand when she saw Emil reaching up to wipe her eyes. Brooke watched as Emily collected herself enough to speak, and grew concerned when she saw a serious look cross her friend’s face. “What do you mean there’s more to it?” Was whatever she was about to be told what had been bothering Emily? Brooke assumed it was, and she regarded her best friend and waited for the explanation. When the first sentence was spoken, Brooke couldn’t hide the shock on her face but kept silent until the end of the explanation. After that, she didn’t know what to say and fell silent for a few minutes. So, Emily was traumatized because she had been raped and pregnant at fifteen. That was one thing Brooke could honestly say had never happened to her before, and she pulled Emily in tighter when she said something about losing her current baby too. “You won’t, Em. I’ll make sure that everything goes smoothly for you, and so will Mason. I’ll even get Xy on board if I have too. Nothing will take this baby from you,” she said confidently, before a thought crossed her mind. “You do want to keep it, right?” she asked even though she was sure she already knew the answer. “Mason will love you no matter what, hun. You have to stop assuming things otherwise you’ll never be alright with all of this.” It was a bit harsh, but it was also true, and Brooke wanted to make sure that Emily knew that.

[/size][/blockquote]

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status: COMPLETE
tagged: EMMY BABY <3
words: 822
outfit: CLICK.
notes: MAJOR BONDING FTW!
lyrics: FIREFLIES, OWL CITY
credit: TEMPLATE BY SHAZI ?! AT CAUTION 2.0