[WE'LL SLEEP FOREVER] Aubrey + Zakhery

[zakhery aiden west]

There were times when music couldn’t help him out. There were times that no matter who he listened to, it wouldn’t be dark enough, and no matter how loud his music was, it just wouldn’t reach him. His stomach burned, the food inside of him churning. It didn’t belong there. He’d eaten too much. The nausea was overwhelming. It was as if there was a volcano inside of him. It just couldn’t settle. He wouldn’t let it settle. It had always disturbed Zak, how his food would just become apart of him. He didn’t want anything becoming apart of him, except tattoos (that he wasn’t allowed) and piercings. Why should he allow a piece of chicken to be inside of him, in his most intimate places, expanding his stomach and torturing his blood stream.

He’d ran through the corridors, not even noticing the jocks that usually caused him such internal pain. They were invisible. Everyone was invisible, because right now so was Zakhery. His pale frame had caused only a few stares, many people not seeing him as he passed quietly. He had knocked into one person, but such an interference hadn’t actually disturbed Zak’s path. When he had an aim, he usually let nothing in his way to get to it. This time his aim was the bathroom. He really hoped that nobody was inside because he liked to have privacy. Thankfully, men weren’t like girls, they didn’t go to the bathroom in groups of twos or threes, they went solo.

Zak paused to a halt outside the door. His heart was rushing, beating, and his head swam with disorientation. He always felt guilty, when he was going to do this, but the guilt from eating, the visual pictures of the food becoming one with him, growing out of him, expanding the width of his jeans, it was too much. His mom would be angry, but it was his body and he was struggling with the very sight of it right now.

He pushed at the door with his fingerless gloves. The bathroom, thankfully, was empty, but that didn’t mean it would stay empty. Usually this was a risk that he was willing to take, and today was no different. The buzz of the school was too loud. Zak scrambled into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him. Before even looking into the mirror, because the temptation was definitely there, he pulled his iPhone out (which was possibly the best present he’d ever received from his parents) and flicked to the iPod. This was his bathroom now, his space, he needed his music. It was easy to find who he was looking for, Aiden. The band shared his middle name. They weren’t his favourite band, but some of their songs were good, especially now, the way he was feeling. He could just picture WiL Francis whispering into his ear when he was about to choke it. Okay it wasn’t a comforting, or a reassuring thought, but Die Romantic would do. He couldn’t do with his earphones though. It didn’t really matter. He just needed something to block out the school, their noises, some privacy.

Despite the loud music, he felt numb. It all just seemed in the background. The mirror buzzed though, and Zak wasn’t strong enough to ignore it. He walked, his legs like lead, and he stood in front of it. Black hair, messy from the times that his hands had pulled at it, in his distress to get to the bathroom. Black guyliner, but not perfectly applied like he usually did, instead it was smudged into his cheeks. He looked a mess, a dirty mess. And as for his clothing, he was sure he only wore black for its slimming affect. The very sight of his weight made him gag. He couldn’t face it any longer. It was as if his body was screaming for a release.

Scowling, his hands back to his hair, the teenager made his way into a cubicle and dropped to the floor. He no longer had to use his finger tips to inspire his body to regurgitate his food, he hung his head over the bowl. A tear escaped his heavy lidded eyes as he vomited. He hated that he had to do this, but he couldn’t see any other way. It was as if he’d swallowed poison, as if he was trapped in this horrible tradition that he just couldn’t stop. He pulled back from the toilet seat, and flushed away his lunch, before hugging into his legs. He usually didn’t allow the tears to fall like this, not in public. He knew his face would be a mess, the salty water picking up on his eyeliner, but right now he didn’t really care. There wasn’t much more that the preps could get on him for. They’d probably just think of it as a fashion move of his. He clutched at his stomach weakly, and tried to gulp away the pain in his throat. There definitely wasn’t a God in this world, or if there was he definitely hated Zak. He didn’t ever want to leave the cubicle, not until school was out, but as he sulked, the sound of his music came back to him, and he realised he’d left his iPhone outside the cubicle. But there was only him here and the music was depressingly soothing. WiL Francis liked to talk about suicide, cutting, death, and things like that, and right now Zak liked to hear it.

[aubrey rein dechanté]

Life was difficult. It was a difficult ride for everyone, and Aubrey knew this all too well. He knew the pain that came along with it, he was just lucky enough to know how to deal with it. He was that person that strived through things until he was okay, until everyone he knew was okay. He felt this way about so few people, but these people were always the ones he looked out for. He was the person that always stuck his neck out for his friends, occasionally his family. He was always the one that got hurt in the end and he knew it, but it was something he was willing to endure. There were certain things he was always willing to endure, certain consequences he could deal with…than there were others, which he could not. He had been down certain roads too many times, and for some of these problems…he could no longer deal with them. He had friends who cut themselves. He had seen the scars, the eternal mark of abandonment that decorated their skin. He had anorexic friends. He saw the ribs that protruded through such a paper thin layer of skin. He had also had bulimic friends, and he had seen the rot of their teeth as they constantly regurgitated their problems and washed them away, thinking they would never have to see them anymore.

Yes, Aubrey was acquainted with them all, some more than others. He knew there was pain you could never get rid of. He knew there were certain things you could never, no matter how hard you tired, erase from your mind. Aubrey had these things. He had memories that scorned the deepest caverns of his brain; memories that sometimes replayed over and over again in his head, and simply did with the flip of a dime. There was no telling when they came back. There was no telling when the scorch of pain revisited his body, making the memories real again; making the pain real. There was no telling when the sting of his mothers’ slaps would make themselves known on his porcelain skin again. There was no predicting when he would relive that night when his arm was broken. These were just things people learned to live with, and Aubrey was no exception. But he did have a horrid habit when it came to other people. He would always put their problems first, instead of his own. It wasn’t something he could help. It wasn’t something he could stop. It was just simply him.

These were traits no one could ever take away. These were personality quirks that never left him. His heart was so big, such a large one that beat for everyone else. Such a caring, gentle, giving heart. Sometimes he leant it out too much. Sometimes he let it get tattered and shred without a care, because that is what Aubrey does. He just keeps giving and giving, until he has nothing left to give anymore. His mom hated him for it. His mother abhorred the boy to no end, but it was something he dealt with. It was just another piece of the puzzle called his life, just another thing he had to learn to put back together again.

The small boy was startled out of his thought process by a sudden other boy darting through the hallway. Aubrey was standing at his locker, grabbing his books for math (his best subject) when the boy passed him. It took him a minute to realize, but he knew this kid. This kid was in some of his classes, and by the looks of it he was in trouble. He was walking totally unseen through the hallway, and Aubrey knew something was wrong, because that’s what he did when he was upset. He quickly closed his locker a little forcefully before heading off to find the boy. He searched through the hallway, coming up empty and feeling a hot beat of sweat drip down his neck. He grit his teeth, before hearing a sudden door slam closed. He looked over, and knew immediately it was the boys’ bathroom. He quickly made his way over to the door and paused for a moment as the halls cleared, and he heard the boy put on loud music. His brows furrowed for a moment, before his body froze. He knew this. He knew what was going on. He had known someone…he had watched then…no, no, he would not let this boy do it. But he was frozen in his spot. He felt his eyes glaze over…and then spill, before even entering the bathroom. He couldn’t save him…he couldn’t help him…he couldn’t do anything. OR so he thought. But out of pure adrenaline and worry, he pushed through the doors and walked into the bathroom. He found the phone quickly and saw the locked stall, and then quickly turned, locking the door to the bathroom. He walked over and grabbed the phone, opening the stall with haste as gasp left his mouth.

“Z-Zakhery?!” The tears began to pool and spill once more, before he darted over to the bathroom sink. He quickly took a handful of paper towels and soaked them in cold water. He moved back into the stall with haste, sitting onto his knees and gently pulling the boy close to him. His right hand went up, dabbing his forehead and cheeks with the cloth, his left moving to flush the toilet as well. He situated himself so he was to the left side of the boy, pulling him to rest gently on him. He switched the cloth into his left hand, moving his right arm gently around the boy and whispering sweet words to help him, hoping to make up for not being able to stop him. He waited for a moment, regaining himself before gently moving in front of the boy, hands moving to cup the sides of his face, eyes glassy with held in tears and cheeks decorated with the stains of old. He spoke in a small tone, such a delicate voice, as if not wanting to hurt the boy further.

“Zakhery…please tell me…what’s wrong…? Let me help you. Let me take care of you, just for now. I’ve seen people go down this road. I’ve seen people end their lives like this.” More tears gently faded down his cheeks as he moved some of the boys hair out of his face, smoothing it out on the sides, letting one final sentence slip out his mouth before going quiet, dabbing him with the wet cloth more.

“Let me save you now, so I don’t have to bury you later.”

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[zakhery aiden west]

The problem was that time passed slowly when he felt this low. He could cry for hours, and it would truly feel like he’d been crying for hours, if not more so. Of course there was a way to quicken that, he could always do something which would cause him adrenaline, but Zak didn’t feel like cutting himself much. He never had really been in to that whole scene. The only way he’d want to do it would be to cut the obvious fat from his body, but he was no doctor, he didn’t know if it would even work. All he knew was that he had a few hours until the school bell would ring, then he could take the same dull journey home, avoiding people who would be out to get him, avoiding everyone, and then he’d be able to avoid his parents, and go play his drums, or lie down. Usually it was his drums that gave him a release, but it seemed beyond that now. The side of the cubicle was cold against his head, everything was cold and inescapable.

As the sound of the door opened Zak took a harsh intake of breath. His phone! He’d never get it back, and what if somebody discovered him? He pulled his knees up close and began to hug them again, curling into a ball as he cried into his jeans. It was as if everything was falling into slow motion, the sound of the click as the door locked. But what was he being locked in for? Was somebody actually going to beat him up? Was he going to be killed? Despite everything his music was saying, he didn’t want to die, and now he truly felt afraid of the demon that was lurking behind the doors. His heartbeat could probably be heard from his chest as the door to his cubicle opened, and had he had more strength he would have made the effort to fight it, or at least make some sarcastic comment, but instead he shut his eyes. He didn’t want to see who it was, he was afraid, he was afraid of everything. It was as if everything had just built up, as if he’d been stuck in the world of school and it had driven him to insanity.

At the sound of his name being spoken, he opened his eyes though his vision came in dark blurs from his tears. He watched in confusion, disorientation flooding him. He knew Aubrey briefly, from classes and things, but he was so smart. What was he doing here? Zak sat frozen, his arms still draped over his legs. He didn’t resist when Aubrey brought him closer, he didn’t have the strength to, though he knew he’d later regret it. These were defences that weren’t meant to be broken down. If Aubrey told the school and they told his parents they’d kill him. The cold water against his skin was surprisingly soothing, as was the boys shoulder which he leant on. Usually he didn’t get close to people. He knew really spoke to people about how he was feeling, and he never leant on them, like he depended upon them. A sarcastic comment was more Zak’s style, to hide how he felt. He never knew how comfortable it could be, to be looked after.

When Aubrey moved Zak sat upright and wiped at his eyes. He knew he looked a mess but he still had to be strong, he couldn’t just break down like that, or continue to do it. He sighed deeply, which caused him to cough. He hated how his throat ached so much, how it always ached. Yet again, he didn’t flinch or push away when Aubrey touched him, again it was refreshing, comforting and disorientating. He was so poetic. He should be a writer, or something. A corner of Zak’s face turned into a crooked smile, ”That sounds like a line from a song,” he murmured, but shook his head and finally pulled back from Aubrey, his saviour of sorts. It was strange because part of him just wanted to sit there with the boy, rest against him and just cry, tell him everything, and he yearned so much to do so, to get everything off his chest, but the rest of him, the usual Zak, just wanted to push him away. ”I’m not going to die, I’m not dying.” he confirmed, he wouldn’t be so lucky. No, he didn’t want to die. He just wanted to escape. ”I just ate something weird, and it made me feel sick… I hate being sick, so I got upset. I dropped my phone because I felt so ill, and it fell on shuffle.” he shrugged, but looked away. Lying was easy but he didn’t like to do it. He felt as if he were betraying himself, the longing for the truth too powerful. ”I promise you, I’m fine, I’m okay.” He pulled his black painted finger tips to his face and wiped away any free falling tears. The weight in his chest was horrible, he just wanted to cry. But he couldn’t, not really. He rested his cheek on the side of the cubicle, and looked outwards, his expression blank, frowning. Yet another reason to hate himself, he couldn’t let anyone in, like Aubrey, now he just felt embarrassed. It seemed to be one of those things that if you went through with someone, you couldn’t just go back to how it once was. He turned back to Aubrey, and quietly, without a word, crossed to sit beside him. Zak lowered slowly, so his head rested on the other’s shoulders and he quietly broke into silent sobs.

[aubrey rein dechanté]

Aubrey didn’t know whether or not to believe the boy in his arms, but instinct told him no. He could tell the boy was in bad shape, and he was going to help him whether he wanted to be helped or not. Ever so gently, as if he was touching a baby, he let his hand move underneath Zak’s chin and ever so gently opened up his mouth a very tiny bit. He leaned in close and very gently smelled his breath. It reeked of vomit, and his uvula was trembling gently in the back of his throat. Aubrey sighed ever so small, closing the boys mouth after he finished.

“Your uvula is trembling. Your breath smells. Your teeth are discolored in the back. Your throat is enflamed; please don’t lie to me Zak, I know what I am talking about here.” Ever so gently he let the small string bag from his back slide down onto the floor, taking out a fresh water bottle with ice cubes with it. He took the boys’ hand gently and placed the bottle within it, closing his fingers around Zak’s so he was gripping it. He looked him in the eyes for a moment, telling him to drink in a soft tone before sighing. He didn’t know what else to give to the boy. He didn’t know what else to do for him. He gently let his thumb stroke over the boy’s eyes, dabbing at his leaking tears before he was suddenly pushed away. He frowned deeply for a moment, listening to him talk and what not until he was finished. He smiled gently, it wasn’t a line from a song, but in fact a line from his heart. Aubrey was full of those. In his opinion, you needed to tell someone exactly what you thought and felt about them before it was too late, and that was exactly what he was doing here. He would nurture the boy next to him until he was okay; until he was happy, healthy and smiling. He watched the boy for a second, taking in his movements slowly as he leaned against the cubicle. Aubrey felt his heart chisel away as the boy sat there looking distant, looking sad. But then his eyes met Aubrey’s icy orbs, and then the boy was moving. He crossed gently and sat next to Aubrey, his head falling onto the boy’s shoulder. Then there was…shaking. He was...he was crying. No, he was sobbing. Aubrey didn’t know what to do for a moment. He sat there for a second, before his instincts to protect Zak kicked in. Ever so gently, he let his left hand slip underneath the boys’ legs, his right move around his waist, and ever so gently, as if touching an infant, moved him into his lap and cradled him close.

He didn’t know what else to do for the boy. He gently rubbed his back and whispered sweet words of nothing to him, letting his chin rest on the top of the boys head as he cried on him. There were so many things that he wanted to do. So many things he wanted to say, but he was tongue tied. He just sat there, holding the boy, trying to give him any comfort he could possibly give. He began to talk in a whispered voice, saying things to the boy he didn’t think anyone but himself would ever need, but yet here they were, leaving his mouth in a small, soothing voice.

“Shh…Zak, it will be okay. Just try to calm down. I promise you will be fine. I promise I’ll take care of you when you’re down. You don’t have to worry about anything happening to you. You don’t have to ever feel alone again.” On the inside Aubrey knew why he was saying these things. On the inside he knew why he felt so much for this boy. He knew what it felt like to be alone. He knew what it felt like to feel abandoned. He knew all of this, and so much more. He didn’t want Zak to have to feel it. He didn’t want the boy to have to frown simply because he had no one to make him smile. He kept telling the boy it would be okay, he kept repeating to him that everything was going to be all right. The truth was Aubrey knew why he was saying all this. He knew why he felt so strongly.

Because he knew what it was like to cry with no one there to hold you. And so he held the boy, and he too cried with him.

He cried for the tears that Zak had shed.

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[zakhery aiden west]

Zak groaned when Aubrey opened his mouth. He was conscious that his breath would reek, which was probably the problem of vomiting in school, or at all. But he hadn’t known that he would be being comforted by a handsome stranger before he’d done it, and more so reason to do the vomiting. He would impress nobody looking as he did. He suddenly felt so self conscious, knowing how he must look. Aubrey was seeing him in his worst of states right now. It was bad. Later he knew he would just be so embarrassed seeing Aubrey, maybe he should be home schooled! He lay still, like a baby being looked at by a doctor, and tried not to panic too much whilst Aubrey did his inspection, although what it was for he didn’t know. ”I don’t even know what a uvula is!” Zak exclaimed, quite honestly too, but some part of his body was trembling! It must have been acting as he felt inside. Well it was a smart body part really, to show his emotions like that but he guessed it wasn’t a good sign.

He grimaced as Aubrey listed his problems, it was like one insult after the next. He couldn’t take such brutal honesty right now. ”Seriously, your list of my imperfections really isn’t helping me feel better. I have black teeth, smelly breath, an enflamed throat and a trembling body part! Kill me now!” he exclaimed dramatically, before slamming his head back against the cubicle. Zak was certainly one for dramatics, but more so he didn’t really know how to express himself well, or how to get out all of his emotions in a healthy manner. They were just so pent up. Zak let out a loud sigh and held the bottle of water to his lips. He still felt a bit sick, and although his throat stung, he wasn’t sure if he could really stomach much water. He took a small sip, the freezing cold liquid making him shiver, yet soothing his throat at the same time. He felt a little more refreshed. He was somewhat freaked out, by how comforting Aubrey was being. Essentially Zak was a stranger, so to speak. He knew Aubrey but only as an acquaintance, he’d probably said only a few words to him in the past, if any. He disliked this intimacy, how at risk he was being so open.

Zak hated to cry in public, he barely did it unless he was really upset. He hated anyone seeing him cry, even his own family. When you were a guy, it wasn’t cool to cry. Girls could cry all the time and it would be seen as cute, but a boy crying was quite the opposite. He felt cowardly, and pathetic. Yet the comfort he gained from Aubrey made him feel worthwhile, almost as if Aubrey cared, which only encouraged Zak to let everything off his chest, to sob and sob so he could just rid himself of that horrible feeling. Zak felt as Aubrey lifted him up and squirmed slightly, though eventually gave in. He wasn’t too opposed to comfort, even if he felt like a baby. He snuggled into Aubrey, his head against his chest. It was so strange, to have somebody say these things to him, as if it were true, like things really would be okay. Nothing would be okay. This wasn’t a film, it wasn’t a book, it wasn’t fiction! It was reality, and he was trapped in an ongoing nightmare of utter loneliness and rejection. He hated himself. Zak raised his head on Aubrey’s last words, he didn’t ever have to be alone again? How could the nicest thing that anybody ever said to him be the words of a boy he barely knew? He grabbed some toilet tissue, and wiped his eyes, to find it covered in black from his eyeliner. He wore far too much and this was his punishment. Zak was shocked to see Aubrey’s tears also. Had he really drove him to such sadness? He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up to stand in odd angles. ”You’re great, do you know that?” he said, taking another sip of his water. He sat up straight, though his legs still dangled over the other boy. ”But the problem is I’m a fuck up. If I hadn’t just vomited I would have probably tried to kiss you by now, because I’m such a fuck up. You’re so sweet, you’ve done for me in these last five minutes more than anybody has my whole life, and I’m so screwed that I’d do that to you… you’re even crying and everything. I should be put down, I swear to God, there is something wrong with me. I definitely wear too much eye make up,” he commented as he wiped some off again. Leaving the bathroom would be awful, because everybody would see how much of a mess he looked. Going home would be awful, because his mom would ask why he had black all over his face. He was a mess and all he could do was look at Aubrey, a beacon of hope. Zak reached out and grabbed a hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly.

[aubrey rein dechanté]

Aubrey didn’t know what else to do anymore, if he couldn’t help the boy now. He didn’t know how to get through to him, he didn’t know what else to tell him; he was just simply at a loss for the moment, and had to focus on something else. Instead, he focused on the boys emotional scars. He focused on the things that he might be able to fix, the things he could be of help to. He shook his head when the boy called his symptoms “imperfections,” and Aubrey simply corrected them and called them what they were; symptoms. He could tell the boy was dramatic. He could tell that he used the drama to shield himself from the pain of life, because Aubrey had done it before. He didn’t do anything though. He didn’t fight with the boy, he didn’t do anything; he just simply listened and gave him a warm, tender smile right back. He waited for him to stop as he sipped the water, and that he was grateful for.

“Keep drinking. It will cleanse your throat so it doesn’t hurt anymore. Just keep drinking.” He repeated gently to the boy, smiling softly before he was in his lap, snuggling up close to him. Aubrey just wanted him to feel better, honestly. He had seen so many people like this. He had heard of so many stories of people like this; he couldn’t stand to lose another one. He wanted Zak to believe him when he spoke. He wanted to tell the boy that things would be okay. That everything would smooth over; you just had to give it time. He let his hand gently work through the boys’ hair as he cried, trying to soothe him as much as possible. He watched him gently grab for the toilet paper, and then once he was done he let his petite arm move up and pull on the tissue, wrapping it round and round his hand until there were several layers. He waited for the boy to finish with the paper that was soon stained black, and gently took it from him when he was done and discarded it. He couldn’t help but let a small giggle pass through his lips when the boy told him he was great, but it was soon followed by a sigh.

“You’re just as great as me.” He told him in a small voice as his hands gently reached forward, carefully smoothing out the boys hair and fixing it, returning it to its former form with a smile. Then, his smile quickly disappeared with the boys words. Why did he think...so low of himself? What had caused such a deep rift inside him, and made him feel so terrible…? He didn’t know, but he was going to find out, and he was going to put an end to it. He smiled small when he felt the boy take his hand, before sighing a tiny sigh and shutting his eyes for a moment, he started.

“Zakhery,” he brought both their hands up in front of their faces and opened his eyes, gently pushing his fingers through the other boy’s to entwine and tangle together. He took his free hand, and very gently placed his index finger over the boy’s lips, keeping it there with a feather like touch. His eyes were warm and gentle, and when he spoke his words were considerate, kind; reassuring, he hoped.

“Stop talking bad about yourself. Just stop talking so you can give yourself time to calm down and relax. You are a magnificent person, and you just have to give yourself a chance to discover it. Life may be hard, but it’s been hard for me too, so never feel like you’re alone. I will always be here, because I don’t plan on going anywhere soon. If you don’t want to go home tonight, so be it, you will stay with me. I won’t leave until you want me to, so please don’t worry, and just calm down, okay?” He gave him the lightest, warmest smile he could muster up before removing his finger from the boys lips, gently fixing his bangs a little and taking a piece of toilet paper to his eyes, gently dabbing them with a small sigh. He let his hand gently squeeze Zak’s to reassure him he wasn’t going anywhere, letting his other free hand finish up with his eyes before looping back around his waist, and pulling him close, trying to provide warmth for the boy.

“Just use me, and rest. Sleep. Do whatever you want.” He had a fleeting thought for a moment, and gently he looked to catch the other boy’s gaze, moving some bangs from his eyes before asking his last question, and letting the boy take in everything else around him.

“Are you cold…?”

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[zakhery aiden west]

It was as if Aubrey could read his mind, or maybe not read his mind, but at least know what he needed. Every move that Aubrey made was the right one, and despite his obvious distress, Zak couldn’t help but feel safe in his arms. Zak shut his eyes momentarily at Aubrey’s correction of his terminology. Symptoms of his disease, well he didn’t have a disease, but his illness, whatever it was. He felt like scoffing. He was an idiot, and so was Aubrey for sitting with him. He just didn’t know how so many issues could be in one person, how he’d got himself so messed up. Surely bullying couldn’t be the source of all of his anxieties? It just wasn’t right how some people were fine and others were messed up, he didn’t like the injustice of it all. Zak took another sip of water. Water was definitely good. It was pretty much the best thing really, how much better it could make you feel after the worst of things, how much people would crave for it. Earth really was meant for humans, in how water was so present. He snapped out of his musings and looked back at Aubrey, his life saver.

”Thanks,” Zak responded quietly, his throat did sting. It stung a lot really, it was just tense. His entire body was so often tense. Only when he went out was it that he truly relaxed, but even then it was all alcohol induced, and the next day he usually regretted it. Although he was snuggled into the smart boy that he knew from class, and although he was relaxed, perhaps too relaxed as the boy laced his fingertips through Zakhery’s hair, he pulled himself into a sitting position. He knew that as much as he wanted to stay here, on the bathroom floor, that he would have lessons, or people would need to go to the toilet. As his mind was coming around, he also knew that it wouldn’t improve anything. Feeling sorry for himself wouldn’t give him any skills, or improve his grades, or make him any better on the drums, it would just weaken his spirit. Zak rolled his eyes as Aubrey complimented him. Didn’t he realise that Zak was the complete opposite? If he came across somebody crying after having just vomited in the toilet, he wouldn’t nurse them back to health. He didn’t know what he’d do, probably run. Too much intimacy, it terrified him.

Zak studied his hand, entwined with Aubrey’s, before looking at the other boys face. He was so gentle, he was like a poet, a great poet that Zak knew he’d never become. It was just his touch, his words, they were so soft, so poetic. Aubrey was somebody that Zak had previously disregarded as geeky, but the truth was, he could probably speak and his words would stop a room. Zak nodded his head slowly, because how could he say no to such a face, such a rant? ”I’m calm.” he confirmed, and gave a small smile before sipping on his water. He felt like a baby, but he didn’t resent the feeling. He had long legs, it shocked him that he could even be comfortable in this position, being as tall as he was, but it was fine, it was good, and he rested his head against Aubrey’s chest, hearing his heartbeat tick like a drum. ”Cold?” Zak asked, he hadn’t even thought about being cold, or otherwise. He shrugged before pulling himself up from the ground, up from Aubrey, his lifesaver, his hero.

He also held his hand out to Aubrey, bringing him up with him. Zak grabbed the toilet roll and exited the cubicle before walking over to the taps. It wouldn’t be a pretty site, but he had to get this make up off his face. He was kinda sure it would come off, and possibly he’d blend in with the crowd a little bit more without it, which right now was what he wanted. He dabbed the damp tissue against his skin, collecting the excess make up, before turning back to Aubrey. ”I can’t use you,” Zak replied softly, in response to what Aubrey had said earlier. ”I can’t sleep on you. I can’t do whatever I want. I can’t stay in a bathroom crying all afternoon, and neither can you. You have classes and things, and I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I am fucked up, I have a problem, I definitely know… it’s just, I don’t know.” he admitted, and leant against the sinks, looking down at his shoes. What was there to say to Aubrey? ”You don’t even know me and you’ve just treat me like your brother or something… am I meant to just ignore you from now on or…” he wiped away the last few remaining tears and shook his head, pocketing his iPhone.