I want to die in the spring [Seb/zak]

[zakhery aiden west]

Zakhery was a big, hard dude. Except for the fact that he was neither big, though he was tall, he was not hard, though he liked to fight, but he was a dude. Nonetheless, he liked to portray like he was a big hard dude. He’d been doing so for several months now, meeting with a local dealer to get his stash for the nightly activities. The thing was however, Zak had never taken any of the pills that he’d bought. He had no intention to either, he just wanted to pretend that he used pills when he partied. Tonight was no different, except that he’d arranged to have a night out with his dealer. An odd occurrence but Zak wasn’t one to turn down a party and he got on well with the man, despite their age difference. He had no desire to buy anything tonight though because he already had too many pills, he was hoarding them in a way which would serve him time if he were ever caught. He had too many of them to even risk his parents finding out. They would kill him.

So, Zakhery was a big, hard dude. He was getting ready for the night, which meant applying the fake tattoos on his arms. It was shameful, really, the lengths he had to go to to be himself. He’d been pleading with his parents for years on the tattoo issue but they were dead set against it. They said if he were to get a tattoo, he would have to find a new place to live. Well he had a tattoo, several in fact, but these were suffocating his torso, not his arms so as long as he didn’t walk around half naked, they would never find out. It was humiliating however, having to painting himself. He was good with applying makeup on his face, because that was his face and he liked to be experimental with it, but he really just wanted his sleeve permanent. It would take so many hours off the process of getting ready. Having applied his art, he started on his face to which he applied a white foundation. He usually didn’t wear foundation because he was pale enough as it was but when he went out he went all out, he definitely gothed up his appearance. Now that his face was of a deathly pale composure, he began to apply his eyeliner in a way which made him look somewhat like a corpse, black around the eyes, slits across his lips. This was one of his favourite looks for a night, accompanied by his big black hair, of course. Finally he had to find clothing. It was always difficult, in choosing what to wear, because he never knew whether to dress up or down. Naturally he put on a pair of black skinny jeans, but as to what top to wear he had absolutely no idea, it was like a life changing decision and one that he made by shutting his eyes and grabbing a shirt, it was a Crashdiet one, which suitably said ‘Crash fucking diet’; he thought it applied well to him, plus it was simple black, with white writing. The rest of his outfit was easy, a studded leather jacket, a studded belt, and to make his outfit more casual red converse. It wasn’t often that he felt confident about himself, his appearance and whatnot, but today he did and he even smiled for a moment when he looked in the mirror. He did this look proud.

The walk to the club was a lot quicker than the walk out of his house. He had to miss his mom seeing him because she’d definitely make him take off the makeup, but it was like a mask, it allowed him to act out and be himself. The air outside was cold and refreshing, and he was lucky that he didn’t bump into anybody that wanted to beat him up; a usual expectation. Zak reached the place he was meeting Seb and leant against the lamppost. Tonight was going to be a good night.

[leighton sebastian hill]

Seb wasn’t quite sure why he had agreed to go on a night out with this high school student. Well he knew exactly why he had, but it wasn’t exactly his ideal night out. The kid wasn’t such a bad guy; in fact he seemed kind of cool. Despite his rocky horror show appearance, Zak almost had an air of innocence to him. Something that made Seb feel overly confident when he was offering the guy drugs. Of course Seb wasn’t an expert about drugs; in fact if he was completely honest, Seb knew very little about drugs. But he knew how to shift them. And Zak was one of his best customers. The teenager looked strange, but Seb wasn’t so sure he looked like a druggie. Nevertheless Zak bought the pills and so Seb would continue to make a profit from him.

Seb dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a white polo shirt. There was nothing particularly exciting about his outfit, but it sort of defined him. Classified him almost, linked him to the jocks. His fashion style was relatively plain; the very opposite to the student he was meeting. In fact he was sure it was going to look strange, the two of them hanging out. Nevertheless he flicked at the collar of his crisp designer shirt. He had many designer clothes; in fact most of the clothes he owned were from a designer store of some sort.

The bar owner had had a few drinks out of his own bar to help settle his nerves as he stuffed a small bag of pills into his pocket in hope that Zak would be after some. The walk to the meeting place wasn’t too far, nor was it effortful. The cool brisk wind lapped at Seb’s features, and gave him a few goose bumps causing him to rub his arms. Up ahead he spotted the wild black hair and he rolled his eyes. So Zak had gone for night of the living dead… oh well one of the benefits of looking normal was the fact that from the outside, Zak and Seb were very different people; and definitely weren’t related. ”Hey.” Seb greeted him with a casual smile. He didn’t want people looking too much into their relationship especially since people knew Zak was bisexual and Seb really wasn’t ”Where do you wanna go?” Seb asked him curiously suspecting where he’d be able to do the deal. Seb looked around and inspected the people watching them before running a hand over his hair. ”Are you… wanting some… you know?” He asked shrugging his shoulders confidently.

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[zakhery aiden west]

Zakhery couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he caught sight of Seb. It was as if he tried to look like a jock, which just wasn’t good because Zak looked so different. They would certainly be a strange sight to see in the street together, walking and all. Zak hated most jocks but he would deal with Seb, he was a friend, kind of, a convenient friend really. He stopped leaning and stood up straight to his full height. He was a bit apprehensive, to be going on a night out with Seb, his drug dealer. Would he expect Zak to do drugs in his presence? Alcohol was pretty much the limits, he didn’t hate life enough to need drugs, but if under the influence of alcohol, peer pressure could become heavy. There was that, and the fact that Seb was so much older than Zak. He had to carry around a fake ID, not that it would really matter too much; whatever picture he showed, the heavy make up on him today would just diminish it anyway. Zak headed towards Seb, and shrugged lightly. ”Couldn’t make more of an effort, eh, Rob Lowe?” Zak mocked playfully. The biggest problem with hanging around with Seb was that he reminded him of his brother, he was just such a jock. Everybody in Zak’s family was like a jock; his cousin, his unknown cousin Leighton was also a jock. He didn’t know anything about his cousin really though, his parents had fell out with his uncle. All he knew was that some jock running round here was his cousin, probably one of the jocks who bullied him. Zak sighed and looked up at his new friend, his drug dealer. If there was one thing he could say about tonight, it would probably be interesting. He’d definitely get some good pictures on his phone, and put them on facebook. It was just too bizarre not to, though he could definitely imagine his friends being a bit betrayed that he’d spent his time with a kid like Seb, well he wasn’t even a kid. They might even think Zak was turning into a jock! God no!

Zak shrugged his shoulders. ”Anywhere that’ll accept my fake ID.” he advised coolly. The truth was, Zak was five years too young to be drinking, or clubbing, but he did it anyway. Without it, he didn’t know what his life would be. Probably the same shit, day in day out without any alternative, except maybe the odd gig that he was allowed to attend. Life was dull, but what could he do? Zak bit on the inside of his lip as Seb asked the question that Zak knew he’d ask. He’d been waiting for it, anticipating it darkly. He felt that same anxious feeling dwelling in the pit of his stomach as he looked at Seb, awaiting something, but he didn’t know what. He didn’t even know how to respond. Sure, he’d been Seb’s good customer before but he couldn’t keep this up, it was too expensive a habit not to even have! Zak kicked at the dust on the floor, and gulped loudly before returning his gaze to the older guy. ”I don’t think I need any,” he admitted quietly. He’d be surprised if Seb was even going to stay there with him, or if he’d walk away. This was the problem with pretending you were tough, the act could only go on for so long. He ran a hand through his backcombed hair anxiously. He felt like such an idiot. ”I mean, are you having some?” Zak asked. He hoped to God the answer was no, but if it was yes then how was he meant to say no? One hit wouldn’t be too bad, it would help him lose weight, he’d heard that, but it was drugs and he wasn’t a drug addict, he was just a kid. Zakhery looked uncomfortably around at the other people in the streets of New York. His image caused quite a stir, he knew that, but right now he couldn’t even think to pull an obnoxious face or flip a finger. Drugs were just too messed up to become apart of the mixture.

[leighton sebastian hill]

Seb took in Zak’s dark features, his wild black hair. His scary make up. The boy looked like something out of a horror movie. Perhaps he intended to look the strangest person on the street. He was overly skinny, and his pale complexion didn’t do him any justice. He really needed to get outside more, see the sunshine and perhaps live a little instead of pretending to be dead. If Seb cared about peoples opinions he definitely wouldn’t have met up with Zak in public, but Seb wasn’t that shallow or superficial. He didn’t care too much when people stared at him; it was New York; there was a freak show on every street corner these days. He smiled at Zak and ran a hand over his hair. ”Rob Lowe? Thanks… but I don’t exactly see myself as a greaser, and I assure you I haven’t had lots of plastic surgery.” He stated sarcastically rolling his eyes. ”What about you? Did you just roll out of your coffin?” Seb smirked dryly. He wasn’t particularly being a jerk, but more so having fun with the boy. He knew Zak tried to be individual but everyone was trying to be an individual these days. Everyone was trying to hide behind some sort of persona. It was the way kids were these days. And that was what Zak was really, a kid.

The boy was very laid back, perhaps a little too laid back in Seb’s opinion. He hated it when people were indecisive. Especially when they were the ones who needed the choice. Zak needed the choice. He was the one who was too young to go out drinking, to bars and clubs. Seb was more than old enough; he owned his own bar. ”I always forget your underage. Is your fake ID even of you?” Seb asked curiously. ”I remember being in high school; I had one, it looked nothing like me, and given I was a big deal in football, people knew who I was. They knew how old I was, but they still let me in.” He explained; a grin on his lips as he remembered how easy life was back then. He longed to be back to those days when he was popular and had no problems being successful. These days everything seemed more difficult; even business wasn’t going too well. But that was where Zak came in.

Seb made his way along the street towards a bar which was located up a winding set of stairs. They approached the entrance, a dull heavy bass beat could be heard as they stood at the doorway. Two burly men with shaven heads were about to ID Zak but hesitated when Seb smiled at them. Seb was known in these parts, mainly because he owned a bar, but some of the locals remembered him from his glory days. He led Zak up the stairs and into the small modern bar; the music was heavy; and probably to Zak’s taste. He hoped so anyway. He stuck his fingers in the air, as he reached the bar and a waitress pushed two beers in his direction. Buying the kid a drink was probably the least he could do. Seb then led the way across the room. It was busy but not so crowded you’d feel sick. People stared at them; granted they were oddly inappropriate and complete opposites.

Seb finally responded to Zak’s response. So he didn’t want drugs. Okay not the answer Seb wanted. But of course he’d try again. ”I’ve got something different this time… some pills, are you sure?” Seb asked curiously, ”You’d enjoy it.” So it was a presumption, Seb had little clue what the drugs would really feel like but he’d been told the come down was bad. Still Seb wasn’t going to be there while the kid was vomiting. ”I wasn’t planning on getting wrecked. I have to be up early in the morning… work and all that.” He indicated, knowing it was a stupid excuse and one that wouldn’t sell him drugs. ”I mean if you are; I could… you know… have one or two. Depends what sort of night you want.” Seb had little clue what sort of nights the boy had. ”I know your tough and do drugs often, so I just… I will leave it up to you.” He smirked. He really didn’t want to do drugs not even a try; he was against them ironically and so he was reluctant to do this, but he needed the sale. He really needed to shift the drugs. ”Why don’t you just have a few… I mean I imagine your pretty wild on a night out?” Seb indicated.

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[zakhery aiden west]

Zak laughed at Seb’s response. He’d seen that film, he liked that film, who didn’t? It was pretty much one of the only books that he’d read in school, and particularly enjoyed. ”Ha, fair enough, pretty boy.” he responded teasingly. There was no denying that Seb was pretty, at least from Zak’s standards. Though they weren’t entirely different, they were both tall at least. ”I wish I’d just rolled out of the coffin! It would definitely save me time. I’m so pathetic, having to redo this fucking tattoos everyday. My parents are far too protective,” he sighed, scaling his arms with his fingertips as he smudged the tattoos. Sometimes he wondered why he bothered, then he remembered that it was his identity, and he liked to look like this. He felt kinda cool, and confident. If only the tattoos were permanent though. He had a few on his stomach, and his thighs, none where his family could see, and he loved them, he loved getting them done. ”You should let me do your make up. You’d look awesome,” he suggested playfully. He doubted it would ever happen though, Seb was definitely not the type of guy to wear make up, or black at all probably. It was such a shame because everybody played it so safe with their appearances, Zak just liked to go wild.

With a short grin, Zak pulled his fake ID out of his pocket and passed it to Seb. It was of a boy with black hair, though other than the pale colour of his skin and the darkness of his short hair, it looked nothing like him. Their noses were definitely different, but the make up tended to conceal it. Although there had been times when bouncers hadn’t allowed Zak into their club because they didn’t like how he lucked. It was difficult really, being him, but he liked it. He took the ID back and listened to Seb, it was a typical jock story. Most people just weren’t so lucky. He suddenly felt resentment towards Sebastian, despite the fact that he’d previously gotten past Zak’s walls of judgement. Jocks got everything easy, and everybody loved them, but they were all the same, and most of them were dumb. He just didn’t dig jocks, not really. ”Lucky for some,” Zak shrugged, a little disheartedly. ”Must be nice, people not locking you inside lockers,” Zak said with a short laugh, although he didn’t exactly feel funny about it, It wasn’t a laughing matter, really.


Zak suddenly felt very sick. Was this guy really offering him pills, he was being persistent, really persistent. Zak gulped once more, his chest felt tight. His parents would kill him if they found out he was doing drugs. He didn’t even know if his body would be able to withstand them, but Seb said he’d enjoy them… they must be good then? He folded his arms over his chest, as if protecting himself from the big scary jock. ”Oh yeah?” Zak asked, trying to keep up with this act. ”What they like?” he enquired, his curiosity getting the better of him. Taking his hands to his hair, again, a nervous tick, he began to pull it. Zak followed Seb past the bouncers, looking nervously at them. He no longer felt like the type of guy who went clubbing, he only felt like a lost puppy, being lead astray. The music was comforting, though it only reminded him that he’d gotten himself in too deeply. He felt like a rockstar. But he no longer wanted to.

Seb wasn’t taking them, but why was he still being pressured? What had he done to deserve this? Oh yeah, tried to be somebody that he wasn’t, and he didn’t even know why. He’d probably heard his favourite band go on about doing drugs in an interview or something and thought it was cool at the time; he couldn’t even think what would have inspired him to do it. Did drugs often? Tough? Blegh, he wanted his mom, even though he spent most of his life running away from her. He wanted Aubrey, Aubrey who said he’d always be there for him, who held him in his arms. ”Wild…” Zak repeated, somewhat dazed, ”Yeah sure, pretty wild.” What was he doing? He felt sick, knowing that there was no way out. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket with regret. This act was just too much. ”How much are they?” he asked, ”I mean, I guess I could try one, or two.” He pulled out some cash and handed it over to Seb with a sigh. He looked around him, wondering if anybody would be watching them do this? Would he get arrested? This was not a good idea, he knew it wasn’t but there was no other way. Reaching for his phone, he began to type out a text to Aubrey ‘Sorry. Didn’t know who else to text. I’m about to do something stupid. Sorry.’ And he sent it. It would probably freak Aubrey out but what if he was going to die or something? He accepted the beer from Seb and took a long drink. He needed it, for the night ahead, ”You have to take them too though, I’m not getting fucked up by myself!”

[leighton sebastian hill]

Seb rolled his eyes as Zak called him a pretty boy. ”Yeah….of course I am.” He shook his head with a smile on his lips. Zak was definitely not someone Seb would call pretty. Behind the make up he had the potential to be normal looking. Perhaps even attractive in the eyes of some girl. Actually, Seb wasn’t sure if Zak was even in to girls; he seemed and looked like the type of guy that may actually like both or maybe just men. The only two things the men had in common was drugs and the fact they were tall. Seb laughed at Zak’s statement. ”Your kidding me? Your tattoos are fake?” Seb laughed, rubbing his thumb over one of the pictures. He smudged the make up slightly and laughed as he shook his head. ”I can’t believe you actually care what your parents say!?” It showed the age gap between the two, and the way they’d been brought up. Seb had done the exact opposite of everything his parents had asked. And right now, selling drugs was going against absolutely everything his parents valued… everything he valued. He pushed the thoughts to the very back of his mind and shook his head as he heard Zak’s words. ”Are you kidding? No freaking way am I wearing make up for anyone!” Seb protested, his face contorted in displeasure. He couldn’t understand why men wanted to wear make up; it made little to no sense at all.

Seb took the fake ID from Zak and looked over it; the boy on the picture looked very different to the one standing in front of him. Seb held the picture up to the boys face. They looked very different. In fact Zak looked like some possessed Zombie and the boy in the picture looked like your regular Joe Blogg. He was surprised he’d actually been let in anywhere, but it was the nature of the club scene. If they didn’t let all those children who weren’t old enough to drink, in, then the bars and clubs just wouldn’t make enough money to stay afloat. Or at least that was Seb’s reasoning for allowing them in his bar. That and the reason he’d have thought a bar owner who let him in when he was underage, would be cool, and he kind of wanted people to think he was cool. ”I didn’t get locked in lockers, but I didn’t put anyone in lockers either. Maybe you ought to stand up for yourself. Take some boxing lessons or something; put some meet on your skeleton.” Seb suggested feeling a little defensive since the boy implied Seb was a bully. It was a common association. Jocks were not always bullies, and Seb wasn’t really a jock anymore.

Seb felt anxious. Zak was taking a while to respond to the question about drugs. He felt his palms become warm and clammy, what if this was a set up? Wait, you were only meant to get paranoid if you took the drugs, not sold them! But Seb couldn’t help it. This wasn’t him, it was a necessity to be safe and keep his bar a float, but he was messing with the wrong crowd. ”They are you know… pills.” Seb shrugged, he didn’t really know what they were. He just knew that they’d get Zak off his face. ”They make you feel on top of the world. Give you an adrenaline buzz or something… they are harmless!” Seb persisted. He felt very sick, it was kind of the same feeling he had when he’d gone drinking then drove home and knocked some kid down. He’d thought the kid was dead but luckily they just went away with a broken leg. His dad had sorted that mess out for him. But he doubted his father; a hot shot lawyer would want anything to do with his son if he gave the kid drugs that were potentially fatal. But what had the dealer called them? Party poppers? He couldn’t remember… something that sounded fun anyway. Seb really didn’t have the stomach for this type of thing.

Seb was curious as to why Zak was being so nervy. The boy seemed to want to buy them every other night Seb seen him. It wasn’t like this was something new or strange, and yet it was almost as though the boy had never seen a drug before. He nodded and repeated the word which seemed to get thrown around between them. ”Wild.” He smiled as Zak pulled out his wallet, pleased that he’d get some cash. ”Ten a hit.” Seb shrugged, knowing he’d have to have a few. Zak was a regular druggie it wasn’t like he’d only buy one. ”Yeah I mean… one or two will be fine.” Seb agreed as he took the money from Zak. He stuffed it into his pocket and smiled as he pushed a few pills into his hand out of the bag in his pocket. He slipped them to Zak under the table and smiled. He watched as the boy pulled out his phone and began to text someone. Seb wondered who. Then Zak tried to convince him to take some drugs… what could his excuse be. ”Oh… I urm… well I guess one or two wouldn’t hurt.” Seb stated popping one into his mouth reluctantly.

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