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Post by francois simeon del roque. on Mar 4, 2011 23:23:30 GMT -4
F r a n c o i s || S i m o n || D e l R o q u e It’s hard to keep a secret that’s written all over your your body
-------------------------------------------------------- March 3rd, 2011
So, I’ve never had a diary before. It kind of amuses me, but I guess not at the same time? I’m a very dull person, so I’m not quite sure why I even have this…but oh well! I guess it’s never too late to start. I don’t really know why I’m even writing in this…I guess because it’s late at night, and I’m not tired at all…and I miss Elliot. Yeah. This will probably just be an open forum for me to gush about the people I like and everything else I seem to hate or displease.
My Grandmother called today. I don’t know why she insists on calling. All she does is yell at me and tell me how I'm wasting my life away at this school, and I know she’s right. She has always been right about everything, so she is probably right about me too. Do you know what she told me? Do you, Diary?
She said being gay was a sin. That unless I had children in college, that I would be on my own.
Well I guess now I’m the devil to her too.
I need to dance. I need to be better than this. I cannot be such a pathetic excuse for a person anymore, not for Elliot.
I need to be better.
I have
[/b] to be better.[/color] [/blockquote][/font] Francois JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch. |
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Post by francois simeon del roque. on Mar 6, 2011 1:11:05 GMT -4
F r a n c o i s || S i m o n || D e l R o q u e It’s hard to keep a secret that’s written all you’re your body
-------------------------------------------------------- March 6th, 2011
I hate this school. I hate every single thing about this school, oh my god you have no idea. Tell me diary, do you feel pain? Do you feel aching in and outside your being? Do you feel the sting of blood as it rushes from your head? The cooling numbness when you lose feeling in your limbs? No, you don’t and you never will. What I would give to be you, to be anyone else at this point.
I haven’t talked to Elliot all day. I think he’s working, and I’m busy I guess. I should be busy. I should have some type of friend to stay with, someone to go out with; but I don’t. Xy has a life, he has friends; I have my phone, Elliot, and my Diary. Can you make the pain stop? Can you tell me it will all be okay? Once again, no you can’t, so why am I even here? Why do I think writing on this stupid piece of paper will make anything better? It won’t. It never will. Nothing will ever make it all feel better.
Today I was hit. Repeatedly. It was Aaron’s friends, I take it. My left eye is completely swollen and purple, the right side of my body is black and blue, and my lip is busted. It’s wonderful, right? I’m attractive know, right?
I’m not. I’m even uglier than before. I hate this. I have no strength. I don’t want to move. I want to curl into a ball and die, but no. Dying is easy. Living is much harder. I have to choose the harder route, because apparently my life is going nowhere and I’m on a downward spiral to hell- according to my grandmother.
This day just keeps getting better and better. I’m ‘gunna go try and make myself collapse, maybe if I’m lucky I’ll die there.
In the Auditorium.
What else is new?
Francois JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch. |
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Post by francois simeon del roque. on Apr 16, 2011 23:20:08 GMT -4
F r a n c o i s || S i m o n || D e l R o q u e It’s hard to keep a secret when it's written all over you’re your body
-------------------------------------------------------- April 16th, 2011
I hate my life. I hate every single factor about it. I hate who I am. I hate what I have done. I hate everything right now.
Do you know diary, how many people I have hurt? How many people I have burdened to the point of losing them? Well, I’ve already lost another person. Elliot. I don’t know how to tell him…I don’t know how to say I don’t like him anymore. I’m not sure what to do…I’m not sure how to break it to him. What do I tell him? What is the reason I give?
Sorry I fell for the school whore? No. He’s going to have me either way; it’s just a matter of figuring…will I hate him back? Am i…is it possible for me to hate him…? For me to really despise him that much? I’m not sure if I can do that…I’m not sure what I can and can’t do anymore.
But I feel like I’m being torn from the inside out. I did it again. I fell for the person I wasn’t supposed to like. I fell for the guy that is straighter than a pin. Is this good? No. Is it productive? No. I’m probably going to start failing all my classes, ‘cuz ya’ know, that’s what I do. It’s just…Elliot isn’t there so much…and…and he is. He always seems to be there…where I never would have noticed him before…but now it’s like he’s everywhere. Now it is as if I can’t get him out of my mind if I wanted to. Tell me Diary, how do I fix this? How do I un-love someone?
I knew I liked him…I knew I liked him when I found that girl in his bed. I didn’t know…I couldn’t have…and then it was like someone was tearing something inside me. I could feel myself being ripped in two…and I could feel all the pain I have shoved down so deep inside me…I felt it all. It was…that was the first time I have sobbed…all year. That’s how I knew. I knew because so much sorrow cannot come from something…if the person is just a friend. If he were just a friend…than maybe…maybe I would be okay. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be hiding in Xylander’s room right now, shaking and trembling in the dark. He’s not home. It’s 3am. I don’t care. I can’t sleep. I only slept that one night because he was there.
I just want him to be here. I just want to know he’ll be there when I wake up.
I just want to know he’ll hold me.
I just want to know I’ll be alright.
Just this once.
Francois JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch. |
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